times flies .. nearing end of 2015

Time flies. 

In a glimpse of an eye, this year is nearing its end. 

If I were to think back, what had happened during this year round, what was accomplished, what was missed out, I wondered if I can really recall every single bits of them. 

I truly doubt so.

In another two weeks time, we will be bidding farewell to 2015 and gearing up to welcome 2016. It somehow makes me wondered, what were I thinking or feeling back then, last year of this day. Were I too busy then to even give any thought of it? 

Looking back at my posts last year (glad that there were some posts), I roughly recollected how my 2014 went by, and also the last few days in 2014.

So, maybe I should also keep some memories of 2015 here, so that I can always jog back my memory when looking at my own posts.

So, how did my 2015 went by?

It started with the determination to change. Finally gathered the courage to leave the job not knowing whether there will be a new job or not. Gathered the courage to start on a different approach in family planning, though the previous year had been into it as well. Skipped a holiday plan again, even after planning it well ahead. If 2014 had been a year of frustration, then 2015 must be a year of confusion. 

Can also say that it is a year of changes, as I noticed that people around me are also making lots of changes in their life, too.

But for this last month of the year, I am still a busy person as I was last year, all frenzy about work. It makes me wondered, when can I be free from work frenzy, where at least there can be a balance in life. Maybe that should be my aim next year!

Well, hope I can continue to drop a note or two for the coming days, before end of this year. To keep more memories for this year. Till then.

think...

I'm thinking ... I'm considering ...  I'm envisioning ... I'm visualizing ... I'm concluding ...
With all those thinking need to be done, when will the actual work actually starts?

Sometimes, I am wondering if we have spend too much time thinking, and too less time working on the things itself. But sometimes, you would hear people said that, if things are well planned, work can be reduced (as in unnecessary work can be eliminated).Well, I wondered which one is correct. Or is it to say that, all things need to have its balance. Things need to be planned well, but at the same time, need to be worked on. Neither can be too excessive, else it will be off balance.

Recently, a physician just told me that I am thinking too much, as if my mind is too disturbed, not peaceful. I wondered, well, isn't our brain is function to do the thinking? If not, then what would the brain be used of. But, as I pondered over the statement again now, I wondered if the statement actually means something else. Just a quick browse through the net on this, and found abundant articles on it.
Thinking too much in TCM point of view is not good, as it is harmful to our body. It does not mean that one should stop thinking, but there may be some thinking that is not necessary (which some might be our habitual thinking only) and we should spend some time to unclog our brain and relax our mind.

So, what should I do now? Think or start work?
Well, I think I'll list out my work and do things in priority (but I doubt my mind will stop nagging me about the other things that are not done).
Guess we will need to find a way to balance our thinking and doing the actual work itself.

FIV (17)

It's been quite some time since I last posted on my second FET.

Wondered what is the result? Well, unfortunately, it is BFN. Had my blood test done on 2-Oct, result is very low, a the doc mentioned, and is almost like negative result. So, doc advice, to wait for another 3 days, if there's no menses, will do another blood test. And it's hard to know what the problem is, but doc advice, maybe can do laparoscopy and further check out.
But exactly on the third day, the menses came flowing.

Have to admit that it is downright disappointed. After so many medications and tests done, it still end up with negative result. Is it something that we have not detected, that causes the issue? Or is it god willing that it's not the time yet?

It's complicated.

Miss you..

Even though we know it is only being apart for the weekdays, and will meet again on weekends, but still actually start missing you the minute you are away.
Can't believe that the tears can't stop flowing all the way home.
Guess it's true that absence makes the heart grow fonder.

As this will be the way for the next 365 days, so we might as well make full use of these time and seek out the best of ourselves, while re-uniting during the weekends.
Hope you get to experience the new things that you've always wanted.
Take care, my dear.

Till we meet again. Love you and miss you.

FIV (16)

Finally completed another visit yesterday. My second FET. Not so nervous, though honestly, I was still kinda nervous while in waiting room. But I feel that I am not so nervous during post-FET, unlike the first round. Maybe had gone through the same trial previously, had some kind of mentality preparation.

So, what's next? Basically is to wait for the 2WW. Then there will be a blood test. Pray that will get BFP this round.


Quotes of the day.

"If we wait until we're ready, we'll be waiting for the rest of our lives."
- Lemony Snicket

"Whether you think you're ready or not, just start right now. There's magic in action."
-Unknown

Sejahtera Malaysia

Late posting, should have posted on 16 Sept, but anyway, late is better than none.

There's this song I really like a lot among all the patriotic songs we have, apart from national and state anthems. Maybe because of the soothing music and nice lyrics. It is one of the songs that accompany me throughout my school days.


SEJAHTERA MALAYSIA

Puji dan syukur pada Ilahi (Praise and thanks to God)
AnugerahNya tiada terhingga (HIS gift knows no limits)
Kedamaian kemakmuran (Peace and prosperity)
Malaysiaku bahagia (My country Malaysia is happy and well)

Dengan tekad untuk berjaya (Determined to succeed)
Berbakti pada nusa dan bangsa (To serve our land and people)
Kami junjung cita-cita luhur (We carry our noble ambitions)
Perpaduan seluruh negeri (unity throughout the nation)

Seia sekata sehati sejiwa (Unanimous and united)
Menghadapi cabaran (we face challenges)
Kami sedia kami setia (We are ready, we are loyal)
Berkorban untuk negara (to sacrifice for our country)

Bersemarak Malaysia tercinta (Beloved Malaysia grows greater)
Kibarkan panji kebesarannya (let the country’s banner fly)

Kami rela menjaga NamaMu (We are willing to safeguard your reputation)
Sejahtera Malaysia (Peaceful and safe Malaysia)


Above english translation lyrics is courtesy from https://chroniclesofmadlove.wordpress.com/2011/06/07/the-sad-irony/
A nice translation, which I have just stumbled upon.

FIV (15)

Missed out lots of updates, but I'll roughly summarized here.

16-Aug, had a visit to do injection. Supposed to visit the next day, but I pulled up one day earlier, as the doc had mentioned it is alright to pull up a day or two. And will need to wait for the period cycle and next visit.

30-Aug, the scheduled next visit. Had a scan, and piles of medicine to take starting from the next day. The same cycle of oestrogen pills - once a day for five consecutive days, then twice per day for the next consecutive five days, then thrice per day for the next consecutive six days. In between will have a another visit.

12-Sep, which is the visit done yesterday. Had a scan, and the lining is 9.9, which the doctor said is good. So, we proceed with the transfusion of SMOFLipid 2.0. It's roughly about 60ml-80ml, not that sure, and it took about an hour to complete. And more medicines to continue, while the FET is slotted next week.

This round is not so nervous, I guess, as mostly doing the same things, only a few new stuff added in here and there. Hopefully things go well for this round. Cheers!

september

Wow, my last entry was in mid-Aug, and now we are nearing mid-Sep.
Well, lotsa things happening between the month, and was caught up in the hype.

Started my new job, learning up and trying to fit into the new environment. So far, though still haven't fully adjusted in, but still able to accommodate so far. But guess, it still need some time to truly blend in and get work done at a snap of a finger. We will see how it goes.

Basically, now goes back to the time where weekdays are limited to few activities, while only weekends only more time to do other stuff and get busy with meeting up. So, get more tired nowadays, with all the activities cramping up in weekend. Hopefully things will go smoother as time goes by, and I can roughly know how to fully make use the time available.

sailor

Was rambling through my phone, when I was some quotes which I had previously saved.
Though I can't recall when I had saved it, but they sure are good to be a daily reminder.

"A beautiful way to understand ... LIFE:
A person who is HAPPY is not because everything is RIGHT in his life..
He is HAPPY because his attitude towards everything in his life is RIGHT.. !!"

Sometimes, we thought we react in a particular way because of the circumstances we were in at that particular moment.
But, in fact, even if the moment has been different, we might have reacted the same way too. Because we just reacted, without thinking.

"I understood, I should not react in life.
I should always respond.
The woman reacted, whereas the waiter responded.
Reactions are always instinctive whereas responses are always well thought of."

The quote above was part of the story, which I vaguely remember. But the last sentence of the quote is very true. When did we truly respond towards something? It's not easy, to be the responding party, as we are habitual reactors. But it ain't be hard either, if we put in effort in doing so.

So, why not, carry the right attitude and respond as we sail through our day.
We might not be sailing on calm sea everyday, and if we need to sail through the rough sea, we gotta do it anyway. Else, there would not be a need of sailors on the sea.

"As we sail through life,
don't avoid storms and rough waters,
Just let it pass.
Just Sail.
Always remember,
Calm seas never make skillful sailors."

Have a smooth sailing day, sailors!

FIV (14)

Next visit is here again, yesterday, actually. But because I slept through almost the whole day, therefore only updating the status today.

This visit was actually to do the endometrial scratch or pipelle. It is supposed to be a short procedure, but I slept through it as anesthesia was given prior to the scratch. Was also given four pills of antibiotics before that and some paracetamol pills to bring home. Guess, as researched on, there might be some mild discomfort and discharge after the scratch.
And after waking up about three hours later, went back home to continue the sleep, but of course, only after taken some food and paracetamol.
Finally recovered after sleeping through so many hours. And today, felt much better, except feeling a little bloated, but overall is still alright.

So, next up-coming visit is for the injection. And hopefully, get more insights on my next month schedule, as it gonna be a busy month for me.

happy

What makes you feel happy?

Waking up with birds chirping by your window pane?
Driving out with rainbow over your head?
Strangers giving you smile while passing over you?
A surprise gift or call or visit from beloved one?
Or just because you are feeling so?

I guess I am happy today.
I cleared my "swimming pool" today, after procrastinating for so long.
I roughly finish the slide that I'm preparing for an old friend going to faraway land.
I got an official new job offer today, after whining and waiting like a giraffe.
I plan to whip up something different today, after kicking my doubts aside (though I'm unsure of the outcome).
I foresee that my days will be more engaging than the last two months!

May we all be happy always, no matter whether it is because of a small gesture, a big change or an unexpected turn.
May we all remember that there's always sunshine after rain, and we ain't suppose to wait for the storm to pass but to learn to dance in the rain, and to be happy doesn't mean everything is perfect but we have decided to look beyond imperfections.

Have a happy day!

weed out busyness

Stumbled upon an interesting slide from Bruce Kasanoff a ghostwriter for entrepreneurs.
It started with an article - simple ways to stop wasting time. But what attracts me is the slide he shared after the article.
Hope he don't mind me re-sharing the slides in note form as below.

The world is filled with opportunities that most people are too busy to notice.
Most people are busy doing unimportant things.
Busyness is a weed. Ignore it, and it takes over.
Busyness spreads through email.
Busyness runs rampant in meetings.
Here's how to weed out busyness...
Give people time to think before they talk.
Reward brevity and accuracy.
Dig deeper, and find actual facts.
Give people time to exercise, sleep and travel.
Experiment, but do it in a disciplined way.
Say "I don't know" when you don't know.
Value gut feelings, but figure out how to quantify them.
Most importantly, pay attention.
Companies that pay attention... spot opportunities.
Pay close attention. We have not yet begun to understand how things really work.
Busyness is not good business.
Weed out busyness from your business.
(pause now)

The actual article/slide can be viewed from the link below:-
https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/three-powerful-ways-stop-wasting-time-bruce-kasanoff

I like few parts of it - "Busyness is a weed. Ignore it, and it takes over.", "Give people time to exercise, sleep and travel.", "Experiment, but do it in a disciplined way."
Which part do you like?

FIV (13)

Back from visit to the doc. Had renew my faith to start on the next FET cycle - for the last 2 embryos. Hopefully this round will get BFP, but the more I asked the doctor, the more I'm unsure of. Still, I want to give my best for this round, and can only leave the final result to God's hand.

So, starting today, my job is to take the contraceptive pill daily and wait for the next appointment.

Of course, this round, I armed with few questions for the visit. It is normal that after getting BFN, we would all be wondering what had happened and why. But as expected, even the doctor can't explain. It may be because the embryo did not implant, it may be because the embryo (3dt) did not survive till the blastocyst (5dt) stage, it maybe because of genetic issue, and etc. So, instead of so many unknown factors, he is trying to eliminate one by one, with the least expensive procedures first, of course. That's why now we have additional 2 new procedures to do for this cycle.
One is the endometrial scratch which will be carried out in the next appointment. I have read up previously that this method is to have scratching done on your womb (uterus lining), in order for it to be more receptive during the implantation. It should be done about 1 week before the next IVF cycle, or as per the doctor advice.
The other thing would be smoflipid which is supposed to build up the body strength. I just managed to google it, that it is a kind of neonatal parenteral nutrition - contains fish oil, olive oil, soya bean oil and triglyceride. Had no idea whether it is a kind of injection or pill.

So, what can I do now?
I think I'll rest more, exercise more, read more and to have more positive energy in me in order to go through this new cycle again.
Pray that there will be no more hidden agenda that we do not know.

If to conceive is hard, then is to carry the baby to full term harder?
If to carry the baby to full term is hard, then is caring for him/her till you're gone is harder?

energy in life

Listening to a radio station, which the DJ chatting with the invited guest about energy. Just caught about 5-10 minutes of the talk. They mentioned that there are energy in us that goes around in cycle and it doesn't disappear but only changing into different forms. Energy will only release out or stop when we are gone. So, that's why our lives always have its ups and downs, because of energy ever changing forms.

Well, so, there I go, browsing thru the net again, to see if I can find anything else on this.
So, below are 3 sites that I found, which tell us a little bit more on the energy in our life.

1) Energy: The River of Life
"As the flow of life force energy moves through our physical, emotional and spiritual bodies, it can become unbalanced, stagnant and blocked."
"Each of us has the ability to heal ourselves of dis-ease. The easiest way to heal ourselves is just to let go."
Link -> http://ahha.org/articles.asp?Id=109

2) Energy
"Energy is the stuff that powers us on every level - not just physically, but mentally, emotionally and spiritually too."
"By learning how to stem negative energy and generate positive energy, you could be in a better position to reach your full potential in all aspects of life"
Link -> http://www.lifecoach-directory.org.uk/articles/energy.html

3) 10 steps to increasing your energy
"Prioritize yourself daily, move your body every day, make healthy food choices most of the time, stay hydrated, get enough rest, stress less for success, seek happiness, be kind to others, embrace your passion, exercise good judgement every day"
Link -> http://www.besthealthmag.ca/best-you/life-and-work/10-steps-to-increasing-your-energy#4UXsY6SZQUs9UlvC.97

So, with the abundant of energy in our body, shouldn't we be doing lots of things and not wallowing in our pity selves on thinking whether we got up from the wrong side of the bed today. Why not just simply take things in stride and put the day under the positive light. Well, today is a present, isn't it?

Have a nice day, everyone!

FIV (12)

Alright, alright. I think I have finally come to my term. It's actually quite hard to finally acknowledge that it is really BFN. Why did it takes me so long? Because the AF is here, after one week of waiting (stopping the oestrogen and progesterone med).
I've actually been silently hoping that the BFN is actually a false negative, after browsing through that there is such possibility (false negative is actually better than false positive). But guess, the hard truth is finally out.

So, what's next? Trying for another cycle of FET, of course! Now I roughly know what's the feeling of those that failed numerous times. But, don't give up! If my second try starts immediately, the next FET would be somewhere in Sep. *cross my finger this round*
Baby dust to all!

While browsing thru all those articles from the net, saw lots of acronyms being used. Can't stop myself from using them either. Compiled a list of them but not all, as below.

2WW: Two-week wait (until you can take a pregnancy test) 
AF: Aunt flo(w) (menstruation/period) ART: Assisted reproductive Technology
Baby dust: Luck in conceiving
BBT: Basal body temperature BCP: Birth control pills
BD: Baby dance (sex) BFN: Big fat negative (test result) BFP: Big fat positive (test result) 
CD: Cycle day CF: Cervical fluid CL: Corpus luteum CM: Cervical mucus CP: Cervical position CY: Cycle D&C: Dilation & Curattage
DH: Dear husband
DP: Dancing partner; spouse or significant other DPO: Days past ovulation DPT: Days post-transfer
DT: Days transfer
DW: Dear wife
EC: Egg collection
EPT: Early pregnancy test
ET: Embryo transfer
FET: Frozen embryo transfer
FMU: First morning urine 

FSH: Follicle-stimulating hormone
H/B: Heartbeat
hCG: Human chorionic gonadotropin (pregnancy hormone) HPT: Home pregnancy test 
ICSI: Intra-cytoplasmic sperm injectionIF: Infertility IUI: Intrauterine Insemination IVF: In Vitro Fertilization LH: Luteinizing hormone LMP: Last menstrual period LP: Luteal phase LPD: Luteal phase defect
M/C: Miscarriage
M/S: Morning sickness
O, OV: Ovulation OB: Obstetrican
OB/GYN: Obstetrican/Gynecologist
OC: Oral Contraceptives
OPK: Ovulation predictor kit 
OPT: Ovulation predictor testPCOS: Polycystic ovary syndrome 

PG: Pregnancy, pregnant 
PMS: Pre-menstrual syndrome
POAS: Pee on a stick (pregnancy test)
RE: Reproductive endocrinologist
S/A: Sperm/semen analysis 
TTC: Trying to conceive
U/S: Ultrasound

*acronyms courtesy from the links below
http://www.pregnancyandbaby.com/conception/articles/939071/ttc-abcs-preconception-acronyms
http://www.babycenter.com/community-help-abbreviations
http://www.mymonthlycycles.com/fertility-abbreviations.jsp

work-life balance

Now, what exactly is work-life balance?
Well, work taking half of your day which is 12 hours while life taking the other half day which is 12 hours.
Hmm, is that really all?
Well, I doubt my own interpretation on it, so, there I go, trying to google on it.

1) Is it really difficult to find a work-life balance?

This interesting article tells us that there's actually no perfect balance between work and life, but it's the purpose that we want to pursue.

Link -> http://glowville.net/is-it-really-difficult-to-find-a-work-life-balance/

2) Finding a perfect work-life balance is impossible, and that's okay

This video shows us that it is worth fighting for unbalances in your life. 

Link -> http://lifehacker.com/finding-a-perfect-work-life-balance-is-impossible-and-1720655158

3) 5 Tips for better work-life balance

This article gives few tips on how we balance up between our work and life.

Link -> http://www.webmd.com/health-insurance/protect-health-13/balance-life?page=1

Do you know that most of the times, it is we ourselves that do not allow us to have balance in our lives. Maybe it is quite impossible to find the perfect balance, but we can, however, reduce the extreme unbalance. Have we put in our priorities well, do we say "no" to unimportant things, are we clear on our goals?

Well, I guess it is time to re-think and re-organize, what we really want, what we can really do, and what we really need. Work-Life balance? Well, there must be some ways to achieve it, but guess it would be different for everyone. Just make sure that you do not take too long to figure it out.

A nice picture of work-life balance below - by avatarcube found from pinterest.com

FIV (11)

Update, after so long. I actually delayed in updating as I was very anxious and nervous myself. Part of me wanting to know the good news, another part of me wondering what would happen if I received bad news.

I had my third injection on 22-Jul, and last Saturday (25-Jul) had my blood test done. Those waiting days were really hard to pass. Finally the blood test day was here, but we still need to wait for about 5 hours or so for the result to be available. Sadly, it's not a good news. Still, doctor said that maybe we can do another round of blood test.

So, finally, yesterday, we had another round of blood test. And of course, need to wait for blood test result. But I missed the call from the doctor, that makes me have to wait the next day. And so, I've called up this morning. Guess what? It's not BFP. Weird. Even the doctor is not sure why. So, he just update the next steps - to visit him again on the next cycle, and there will be two additional steps which I only recall one of it is to be endometrial scratch. I've roughly searched on this method, it is to help in increasing the chance of implantation.

Well, I am still in the stage of accepting the duo blood test result. But, at the same time, if the next cycle is not here, yet, I am still crossing my fingers for any "late" good news.

effort

Browsing thru FB just now, come across two videos on painting. The artists, whoever they are, are truly amazing. Both paintings are painting of face, yet using two totally different methods, one with water and ink the other using water colour.
What sparks my interest is not only the beauty of the paint, but the underlying effort they have painted. Though I am not a painter, but I guess a lot of effort and time must have poured in to produce the painting, which is something not shown in the video itself.
Everything we have may not come naturally. Some may have gotten it the easy way, but some may have it the hard way. Whichever way it is, as long as it is legitimate and conscientious.

We may not like what we doing right now, but we can make things turn and like what we do. Though it is not easy, but with the right effort and belief, it should be able to accomplished. How many of us is living the way that we want to? There would surely be bumps along the way now and then. Nothing is perfect.
We only have two ways to get things done - our own way or the other way. And guess what, either way need effort!

Not knowing how things will turn out is not an excuse not to put in effort in things you do. Is it that because we do not know whether tomorrow will come, that we will cease to live today?
Only after putting in the right effort, then only you can choose to give up on the current route to take the other.
So, have you put in your effort today?

success is an iceberg

Saw an interesting post shared out by my friend on FB today. It is about a diagram of the iceberg illusion of success, which was posted by "Interesting Engineering". I have came across iceberg thingy is when I watched the movie "Titanic" (Gosh, that was like 18 years ago?!). So when they link success with iceberg, I was thinking - that is very true!

I am quoting out from the diagram
Success is an iceberg
What people see - Success!
What people don't see - Persistent, Failure, Sacrifice, Disappointment, Good Habits, Hard Work, Dedication

I may be an avid fan of drama for some, but I do not simply watch just to enjoy the fantasy. People say that sometimes drama is like our life, and vice versa. And don't forget that our scriptwriters are human after all. They might add up some fantasy or imagination when writing the scripts, but they also will put in human touch. There are good traits that we can actually learn when watching drama (but, application need to be done, and not just imagination). And of course, filtering need to done as well, and not just blindly follow.

Well, anyway, success is not something that comes without any term. No matter what you do. Truly. Success may not be something huge, but can be apply to something small, too.
A baby able to walk, it is a success. He/she doesn't born knowing how to walk, but he/she continue to learn and practice, even if he/she falls down, without giving up halfway.

So, are you game to be successful?

my country

There are really a lot of controversial topics going on lately. I believed that they do not only cause concerns among our own people, but also other nations as well. Those hot topics mainly revolves around our PM and once a while sub topics of racial issue arise, and these are excluding other topics on our daily livelihood issue like GST, security and etc. Of course, I do believe that not only our country has this issue, but also other countries which might be facing or have faced them.

Despite all the controversies going on, ultimately, the people only want their peaceful and prosperous life back. For those people that do not follow up intensely on those hot topics, they would not have care if the current PM will still continue be the PM or will step down. For those following the on-going debates, they have roughly made up their mind on what the want to support - the truth or the lie. For those alleged in those incidents, they should be busy thinking on their next best step.

With our independence and Malaysia day getting near, I hope we get to celebrate them happily. I am someone who loves celebrations, so these two events are something I looked forward to, every year. Though I am not a fan of being in stuck in a massive event or celebration, but I do enjoy the process where everyone is preparing for the event itself. Thinking back of our school days, where we will have programmes lining out for the big day, to commemorate those historical figures for fighting the freedom that we are enjoying now.

Honestly, I am not that good in history, but I do know the PMs that served our country (I am not even that good in recalling all of our Agung or Sultan or Minister). And I do truly hope that those PMs have indeed done their very best in serving the country, for the best interest of the people and was/are selflessness. That is what people want to believe in when they give in their vote. But what actually happen during their tenure, I guess that would be another story. Anyway, I am not here to judge them, though I will be among those that will continue to follow up the on-going debates.

Looking forward to
Independence Day = 31-Aug, we'll be celebrating our 58th year
Malaysia Day = 16-Sep, we'll be celebrating our 52nd year

taking chances, making chances

Stumbled upon an old email send by an acquaintance. Quite ashamed to admit that I could not recall this acquaintance, but wherever this friend might be, may all be well with her. And this mail of hers triggered a thought.

Basically, this mail says about a lady who never had been given an opportunity before and quite envious of a great speaker because of the vast opportunities he had, based on his sharing. So, the speaker then give the lady a simple task of writing, which somehow triggered her curiosity to seek deeper knowledge in order to complete the task. And thus, resulting her able to fulfill her dreams and experienced the life she always wanted.

Sometimes, we are just simply stuck in our own world that we thought things should go the way we want to. But when it doesn't, what do you do? Would you sit and wait, or would you break through the wall?
Well, enjoy the story, while you mull over the question.

= begin =

Lecturer Charles Hobbs sometimes tells about a woman who lived in London over a century ago. She saved what little money she could working as a scullery maid and used it one evening to hear a great speaker of her day. His speech moved her deeply and she waited to visit with him afterward. 

"How fine it must be to have had the opportunities you have had in life," she said. 
"My dear lady," he replied, "Have you never received an opportunity?" 
"Not me. I have never had a chance," she said. 
"What do you do?" the speaker asked. 
She answered, "I peel onions and potatoes in my sister's boarding house." 
"How long have you been doing this?" he pursued.  
"Fifteen miserable years!""And where do you sit?" he continued. 
"Why, on the bottom step in the kitchen." She looked puzzled. 
"And where do you put your feet?"  
"On the floor," she answered, more puzzled. 
"What is the floor?" 
"It is glazed brick."

Then he said, "My dear lady, I will give you an assignment today. I want you to write me a letter about the brick." Against her protests about being a poor writer, he made her promise to complete the assignment. 

The next day, as she sat down to peel onions, she gazed at the brick floor. 
That evening she pulled one loose, took it to a brick factory and asked the owner to explain to her how bricks were made. Still not satisfied, she went to a library and found a book on bricks. She learned that 120 different kinds of brick and tile were being produced in England at the time. She discovered how clay beds, which existed for millions of years, were formed. Her research captivated her imagination and she spent every spare moment learning more. She returned to the library night after night and this woman, who never had a chance, gradually began to climb the steps of knowledge.  
After months of study, she set out to write her letter as promised. She sent a 36-page document about the brick in her kitchen and, to her surprise, she received a letter back. Enclosed was payment for her research. He had published her letter! And along with the money came a new assignment -- this time he asked her to write about what she found underneath the brick.

For the first time in her life she could hardly wait to get back to the kitchen! She pulled up the brick and there was an ant. She held it in her hand and examined it. 
That evening, she hurried back to the library to study ants. She learned that there were hundreds of different kinds of ants. Some were so small they could stand on the head of a pin; while others were so large one could feel the weight of them in one's hand. She started her own ant colony and examined ants underneath a lens. Several months later she wrote her findings in a 350-page "letter." It, too, was eventually published. She soon quit her kitchen job to take up writing.

Before she died, she had traveled to the lands of her dreams and had experienced more than she ever imagined possible! This is the woman who had never had a chance. 
Some people wait for opportunity to come knocking. Here is a person who sought it out, proving again that we can be more than victims of mere circumstance.

If given a chance, will you take it? If given no chance, can you make one? 
From Steve Goodier's RICHES OF THE HEART

=end=

wedding bells

Just attended a wedding dinner last night - of a friend of mine. Sat together with a group of ex-colleagues, which now and then we will be touching on the latest company news. It is great actually, to be able to know the latest happenings of the company you left. Maybe, it is to see whether you had made the right choice or not, then. But anyway, the topic here is not about work stuff.

While attending the wedding dinner, listening to the songs played out and watching the videos creatively done, it kind of reminded me of my own. Wedding is good thing, uniting two person and their families together, and getting blessed from the people around them. All the preparations that need to be done and the things to handle on the big day itself are enormous, yet, when all are over, the wedding couple will be left wondering - "Finally... But is that all?"

Seeing how the guests enjoying the dinner was great. Some chatting about the groom, some enquiring about the bride, some trying to take photos or videos of the couple, some admiring on the wedding photography slide show. Of course, there are also some that went off chatting topics apart from the event of the day. Still, people have all gathered for the sole purpose of giving their blessings to the wedding couple. And maybe some might get caught with the wedding "wave".

If you are single, either with a partner or not, when attending a wedding dinner, don't you sometimes get caught in imagining what would you have done, if you are the one walking down the aisle? Would you not be thinking what could have improve if you are the one preparing for the wedding? Or would you be envy and wish that you could have had the same thing done for yourself.

Anyway, for those preparing for their weddings - congratulations and may you enjoy the wedding process.
For those that do not hear their wedding bells anytime soon - keep it up and may you be hearing the blessed ringing.
For those already went through it - do enjoy your marital life and appreciate it.

FIV (10)

My, how time flies (but actually I have been counting the days, too, a bit of nervous trying to know what is going on). I'm 5dpt3dt. Based on the calculation, implantation should either in progress (which end result will only be known on the next visit).

My FET was done on 15-Jul, and today had the second injection (as first was done on 15th itself). Well, good thing about this injection is I don't need to do it myself, but the downside is I need to visit the doctor (or nurse, actually). Was informed that the injection is somehow "oil" based, so better for the nurse to do it. Another one more to go on the 22-Jul, then will wait for the next visit for the blood test.

The whole FET process is actually quite fast, and just prickling but bearable pain. Just that the wait for our turn is quite lengthy as there are quite a number of patients and surgery on that day itself. And supposedly we have direct bed rest for about an hour after surgery, but I ended up slept through an hour and half, though I thought I was pretty much awake all the time and only had forty winks.
Then I was quickly brief on what not to do during the 2WW. Basically, normal daily activities still can be carried out, but to take things slowly and lightly, especially lower body part which include not only activities but also food.
And the medicines gotta continue taking as all have given till the next visit.

Well, now is the long wait of 2WW - another 7 days to go. *cross my fingers*. Though I know we have pretty much did what we could, and what we could not control, we gotta leave it to fate.

FIV (9)

Had visited the doctor again 3 days ago, to catch up with the medication. Dosage for the current medicine of oestrogen is reduce back to twice (from tripled), but with additional medicine of progesterone is to tag along. These medication is to continue all the way for 2 weeks. The only "issue" is that the additional medicine need to be kept cool. Hhm, hopefully it won't cause any problem.

Between then, tomorrow is "D-Day". Cross my fingers that it'll be good.
And I tried to read up a bit on what's going to happen next, because the next visit after tomorrow is about 10 days later (which is quite long). And I know why.
It's a good thing that lots of information can be found on web, though, you will need to filter through them. But at least you have an idea or so on what's going on, besides the doctor's advice.

So, below is some info after the FET process.
Note: "dpt" stands for "days past/post transfer"

For 3dt
1dpt - embryo continues to grow and develop, turning from a 6-8 cell embryo into a morula
2dpt - cells of the morula continue to divide, developing into a blastocyst
3dpt - blastocyst begins to hatch out of its shell
4dpt - blastocyst continues to hatch out of its shell and begins to attach itself to the uterus
5dpt - blastocyst attaches deeper into the uterine lining, beginning implantation
6dpt - implantation continues
7dpt - implantation is complete, cells that will eventually become the placenta and fetus have begun to develop
8dpt - human chorionic gonadotropin (hCG) starts to enter the blood stream
9dpt - fetal development continues and hCG continues to be secreted
10dpt - fetal development continues and hCG continues to be secreted
11dpt - levels of hCG are now high enough to detect a pregnancy

For 5dt
1dpt - blastocyst begins to hatch out of its shell
2dpt - blastocyst continues to hatch out of its shell and begins to attach itself to the uterus
3dpt - blastocyst attaches deeper into the uterine lining, beginning implantation
4dpt - implantation continues
5dpt - implantation is complete, cells that will eventually become the placenta and fetus have begun to develop
6dpt - human chorionic gonadotropin (hCG) starts to enter the blood stream
7dpt - fetal development continues and hCG continues to be secreted
8dpt - fetal development continues and hCG continues to be secreted
9dpt - levels of hCG are now high enough to detect a pregnancy

FIV (8)

Had went for my visit and get the check up done on 6/7. First time going alone, though. Apparently the lining is good, and the medication continues till the next visit.
Dosage of the medication for this round is increased. For previous visit, my medication is only once per day, then double up the dosage. Now, dosage is tripled.
Wonder if next visit will have increase in dosage, as the next visit is still not the FET procces. And wonder if they'll do a blood test as well, apart from the normal lining monitoring.
So many questions in mind, and hopefully next visit will have more answers.

Relocation

Have you ever think of relocation?
Maybe relocate due to work request or career opportunity or etc.
And how do you decide whether to relocate or not? Well, relocate not necessarily means overseas, as long as you need to move to another place for the new job.

I have seen quite a number of my friends relocated, due to work or family. Some to other neighborhood district, some to different state, while some even out of country. Mostly due to work opportunities, as they couldn't find either the same job nature or better career advancement. Of course, there are some wanting to have a better environment for their family, or to be with their better half.

Moving to a new place, if you are single, is much easier. Although maybe you still need to think about your aging elders or younger siblings, if any. Whether they will need you to be around, or they can cope on their own.
If you are attached, sometimes you will be thinking about your partner, as not everyone is suitable to have long distance relationship. Of course there might be opposite case where you want to relocate to where your partner is.
If you are married, then you'll be thinking about your better half and children, if any. Without children, maybe it is easier to decide between the two of you. With children, you might be thinking about their welfare like the growing up environment, school and etc.

So, in what case will you consider relocation?
Have you faced this situation before and how did you handle it?

everything will be ok

Saw an interesting quote posted in FB by a friend - "Everything will be ok in the end. If it's not ok then it's not the end."
How many of us do not face a problem or two, now and then, if not frequent?
How do you handle it?

Sometimes, in midst of our problem, we tend to feel the need to find strength to face the problem.
If it is only a small problem which can be solved with a snap of fingers, of course we wouldn't worry much (that doesn't sounds like a problem at all).
But if it is something bigger that what we anticipated, something we have no idea how to solve, something out of our control - keep calm first.
For, we all know that God wouldn't put hurdles that we can't crossed. But first and foremost, we must try to cross it. You cannot expect standing in front of the hurdle, thinking it will go away, when in fact, you should be thinking whether to jump over it, to crawl under it or to walk around it. No one is able to move the body and the mind of yours, except for you, yourself.
The hurdle might be small, might be big; might be short, might be long; might be easy, might be hard - to cross. But when the hurdle is put in front of you, it's for you to think and work it out on solving it.

If you need the strength to carry on, why not just remember the quote - "Everything will be ok in the end. If it's not ok then it's not the end."
Keep it up!

FIV (7)

There goes another visit, which was yesterday.
This round is also a quick one, which ended up with medication of oestrogen for the next 10 days.
Boy, the next visit might be a crucial once as decision will be made on the next visit.
Gotta cross my fingers.

lessons about letting go (3)

An article sparks my interest on lessons about letting go - an article from a columnist, SEJ. It says that apart from material possessions, learning to let go of our emotional baggage is good for the soul. Carrying the historical emotional baggage prevent us from living a complete life. And, healing begins with a forgiving heart. That is real freedom.

You might think letting go is not hard, but it is only when you faced the same issue again and being frustrated or hurt, that means you have not let it go.
How do we let go of our emotional baggage?
Take a deep breathe, recognize it, confront it and let it go. It may not be easy, but it is not something impossible to do. Sometimes, you just have to face the issue head on, if not, the thoughts will still linger on, and so will the scar. Covering it up does not do any good, nor will it go away on its own. It will still keep coming back to you, in one way or another. So, instead of facing it numerous times, why not solve it once and for all.
Just remember, though it is not easy, it is not impossible either.

You might think letting go is hard, but when you faced the same issue again and find that you no longer feel annoyed or sad , that means you have let it go.
And when that time comes, you will find yourself happier than before and is able to enjoy your life even more. And who knows, you might even able to help those around you who are still carrying their baggage around.
Just remember, when you have actually went through the hurdle, nothing else will be too hard to cross.

Something fishy

Finally completed my second FISH! book. Bought it at BBW expo this year, when last year from the same expo, I bought my very first FISH! book.
Though it is not the latest edition in store (what do you expect with this kind of real deal), but I am glad I did not miss out the book after all.

This kind of book is one of my favourite reading. Sometimes, we are so preoccupied with our own world that we have lose focus on other more important things around us.
They might be the one that give us a tug and a wake up call, when we are lost in the world out there.
They might be the additional brainchild that give us a lead on where to start or how to continue, when we only know where we want to be.

So, after these two books, maybe it is time for me to start something fishy, too.

Do you want to fish, too?!

baby hatch

Saw an article in Facebook just now, on a post "Finally Baby Hatch is in Malaysia".
Not sure if it's a good news or not, but guess it serves both.

Good thing about it, there will be less babies being abandoned like unwanted thing. Some babies are simply being abandoned inhumanly, and ended up lifeless. Maybe their parents are left with no choice, but to abandon their child, simply not knowing what else they can do. Maybe their parents just do not want to carry the responsibility or simply to scared to do so. If so, this is actually something good, a way for the babies and the parents to move on with their lives without any attachment from each other.

Bad thing about it, there might be more abandoned babies now. Some may not even bother to think of the consequence of being pregnant as there's a safe way to abandon the baby once it's born, without any legal action to be taken from them. If so, this is actually something bad, as there will be more orphans.

But there are always two sides for everything, pro and con. Hopefully it does more to serve it's pure intention and not to be misused by those ignorant ones.

Every life brought to earth is as precious as yours. Be sure to appreciate other lives like you appreciate yours. Even if you don't appreciate your own, doesn't mean you should not appreciate others'.

disappointed

It was really disappointing.

Well, I was been waiting for this particular reply for weeks, about almost three weeks, since I last agreed on the offer. But I was later informed few days later that the offer is pending approval and the HR will get back to me the following week. I wasn't particular fussy then, as I was still struggling with my own stuff, so I did not persist further. But one week after another, there is no update at all.

Then finally, I send another reminded the HR on the status update, as the agreed date is getting nearer and I might need to do some preparation ahead, as I am only left with two days. Sadly, still no reply and I finally pick up the phone and call her yesterday. Luckily manage to get her (I was wondering is she's on long leave that she did not manage to read my mail). But the reply I received is quite disappointing.

What I am very disappointed at is not because the offer is still pending approval, but the fact that the HR did not bother to update me at all. Imagine what would have happened, if I just turn up on the agreed date, and having to turn me away on the spot. I hold verbal agreement the same level as black and white agreement, but now I realized that nobody do so here. And sad to know that this pending of approval may even backfire the offer as top management has not even given greenlight on the budget or resource allocation.

And adding to another disappointment is my hunter is actually one step behind me. Maybe I should not count on her too much either as I had never asked her in depth on what is her coverage for me.

Anyway, all these makes me think twice having to work together with this company.

Saw two interesting quotes today. And hopefully, for those who are facing disappointments as I do can get some perks for the day.

"It's better to know and be disappointed, then to never know and always wonder"

"Disappointments are just God's way of saying "I've got something better." So be patient, have faith and live your life"

FIV (6)

Finally the next visit is here again, after a full 21 days.
And yesterday visit was just a short one, as usual. But luckily we get to know in advance on the up-coming schedules, else it might be a mess again. *wink*
Well, just got an injection and wait for the next cycle to begin.

As for the up-coming schedules, two more usual visits which I suspect will be having either meds or injections (again), and third visit is for the blood test, while the fourth one (hopefully get to proceed) is for putting in the embryo. Surprisingly, it is using two months to complete this. May we have good news by then *cross my fingers*

cameron

Guess what? Family trip this year is to Cameron! Last family trip was to Desaru, which we have went twice.
It is good to have this kind of yearly gathering, with all taking time off and relax among the families. Though most of the time, there will definitely be frustrating times, i.e. on confirming travelling date, when making booking arrangements on accommodation and transport, on deciding where to eat, on keeping track on schedule, on getting the kids ready and etc. Still, this is the only other "full" gathering we will do, once a year.

But sad to say, I have to opt out from this trip, due to an unavoidable appointment which falls exactly in the middle of the trip. I was so devastated, as, this is one of the trip I look forward to, it is among the places I have not been before, I do not need to take any leave for the trip, the appointment is not being well informed much, much earlier. Even though I was informed three weeks prior to the trip, but all things are almost arranged, and because of the late information, I have to bow out from the trip. It is really kind of disappointing, not only on the missed trip, but also because no empathy shown from mike.

Next thing we know, Jayd seems to have ulcers and there's suspicion on having HFMD, but need to further confirm. This news was updated like four days prior to the trip. Luckily there is enough time for the doctor to confirm, because if HFMD, definitely not able to go as it is contagious and easily spread to other kids. But luckily, things seem to be alright, as things are proceeding.

After that is dad, suddenly on suspicion of having dengue, after he went to see the doctor on his headache the night before. And this is known three days prior to the trip. As they are travelling one day earlier to meet up in KL, so he is rushed to the hospital, supposedly to get blood test to confirm. But ended up with normal checking and the doctor mentioned that for dengue case, body temperature will be high, with or without medicine, and also there will be vomiting and red rashes. But luckily, after one day of monitoring, do not see anything unusual.

Then early morning today, it is mum's turn, having hit by car park barrier, right on the head. Maybe her mind is full of thoughts this morning, that cause her not to notice on the barrier. But hopefully the barrier is those light-weight kind and only causes her some pain which will go away soon.

After that is Jam, whom forgot to change currency for the trip and it is too late, as she is also travelling one day earlier prior to the trip. But hopefully, it is still manageable, if the others have more to spare.

Lastly, is a more recent news, Jah got caught up in an accident. Not much details were informed as of now, as they are going to report the case. Hopefully, it is just a minor traffic accident with no much damage and no injuries.

Boy, all five families seem to be taking turn having "issues" that might hinder the trip. Jayr is actually quite worried, as we both noticed these "symptoms" popping out now and then. Well, as the trip is proceeding, we can only pray for the best, and be on our tiptoe.

There will be sunshine after the rain.

Adios - last message

Finally, the day has arrived, after the long wait. It's finally my turn to bid farewell to fellow comrades.
And as expected, it was indeed a busy day. Don't know whether it is because of the work nature or my own working nature. History does indeed repeats, but luckily not exactly the same.

Also worked over working hours, but luckily just extra 2.5 hours only, not all the way to midnight. But sadly did not manage to save all my emails, left this year's email did not manage to salvage. But luckily cleared my pc folders yesterday. And glad that there are still people for me to say goodbye to, and not leaving with the office having no one.
I guess most of the important people have bid me farewell, like my first interviewer, my department manager, my lunch mates, etc, so I'm still ok. Though there are few downlines which I've missed out, as time is simply too short today, after minus out first half day of guiding plus 2.5 hours meeting.

The best things happen today - my arranged lunch mates, my farewell mails, my photo with my assistants, and my hand shakes before leaving.

I think my battery going flat anytime soon. Gotta recharge it. Luckily I have full one week of recharging. And may after the recharge, I can continue to move forward.

Adios!
Goodnight!

Couples

Out of sudden, a thought came across my mine - what have we learnt from our parents?
I believed everyone learnt different things, whether from the good way or the bad way. Some may not even know their parents, but I am sure they would have learn something looking at others' parents.

For me, I think, is about how a couple should be, having a life partner for the rest of your life.
Being a couple doesn't mean you have to stick with each other all the time, yet always have a special time allocated for he/she. Being a couple doesn't mean you have to be doing the same thing together, but always ready to share and ready to hear each other's experience.
Being a couple means you respect and trust what each other is doing, and not to be sceptical or suspicious. Being a couple means you forgive each other's mistake and though might not be forgetten, but you'll not put it in heart and make each other miserable. Being a couple means you share the good and bad, the joys and tears, but never the laments and regrets.
Of course, all these need to be worked together as a couple, and not one party only, else the relationship will still be broken anyhow.

Although I did not learn this through the good way, but still they have taught me, indirectly, how we should be maintaining our relationship as a couple. Though there is nothing much we can do to mend theirs, after all these years, but we can be their listening ears, and hopefully, that can ease their estranged ties a bit, as there ain't much 'ten years' to go.

Falling in love is easy, while maintaining love takes hard work. Always remember the love, and don't let it fade away, as it is love that brings us together, and it will be love that binds us together.

Counting down

Counting down four days, till the last day of my working day in GC. Time flies, especially for these last two weeks.
Coincidentally, lots of people are leaving around the same period of time, one by one, makes it more nostalgia.

Happy of leaving? Yes, indeed, I do not deny. Yet, I also cannot deny that there were many happy days as well and memories built for the past three to four years. There were also many good relationships built. Apart from that, of course, are those valuable lessons taught and learnt, advice given and received.
What would be the best memory? I couldn't pinpoint one, as there seem to be a few.
My first year in, I enjoyed my lunch hours and the birthday celebrations. My second year, I enjoyed teaching those downlines (though not all) and festival meals. My third year, I enjoyed going for k-sessions. My last year, I enjoyed my own farewells (together with the close ones whom are leaving with me).

Why do I need to leave then? Why not continue to stay on?
I guess, because of the negative vibes that have been building on, of all these years. And because I know it has reach my maximum limit and I am not able to handle any further, of the accumulated negativity, so, the only way out for me is to get myself out of it.

Should those left behind, continue to strive? Yes, of course.
There are many things to learn there, and there are many opportunities to grow, if you know how to grab the chance. Be always ready for opportunity that may come knocking at your door, anytime.
Well, though we are all aware that working place is not a teaching school, but still, we all yearn that we can be nurtured in the correct way. We are all trying to grow up and strive hard, in whatever stages we are. So, do show that there are great leaders to follow and environment to stay on.

learn by doing, not being taught

Came across a very interesting video just now. It is about how a lady taught her child by learning how to do, instead through verbal teaching.

It is true that in this generation era, we are being taught how things work, and how things should be done. But to truly understand the teaching, not sure how many of us do. And without these teaching, not sure how many of us would think of exploring the outside world in order to learn it up.
Unlike the previous era where things are limited, and in order to get something or to do something new, people tend to crack their heads and make full use of their imagination.
And maybe because the older era feel that they need to pass down the information learnt, so, they start to "teach" on what they know.
Maybe it is just the way of "teaching" that went wrong, that most of the new generation got used to "spoon-feeding" teaching. We think that we are letting information being passed down, but forget the ultimate reason what these information need to pass down.Letting the newer generation to learn is correct. But we forget to emphasize on the need to do the things they have learnt.

I think it is kinda similar to an old proverb - give a man a fish, and you feed him for a day; teach a man to fish, and you feed him for  a lifetime.
So a person need to "fish" in order to get the fish.

FIV (5)

Finally, D4 is here, so another visit to the doc. But update from the doc, caught me by surprise.

This round, we are only on medication. So, the real FET process is to be on the next cycle. Dumbfounded, because the next visit clashes with my Cameron trip. A bit devastated, as it is a family trip that I always longed to go. Though sometimes during the trip there might be some squabbles now and then, nevertheless, it will be one of those good memories to talk about down the road.

So, no choice, I got to give up the trip, but hopefully I get to join the rest for the pre-trip gathering at KL. The is the least that I can do, and to enjoy myself before start of my new found job.

Back to topic. So, right now, nothing much to do, just daily medication, until the next visit for a shot. And am still blur on what the doc has in plan for us. I feel like a floating boat, not knowing where I am heading, only now and then there will be some tugging to lead the boat in a mysterious way.

Still, this also means that I have extra one month's time to build up my body. That's the good thing of it. Guess, no pain, no gain.

Till next visit.

FIV (4)

Finally, came 13-May, the revelation day of our "harvest". Good news is that 67% successful! So, it's just up to us when is the next visit we want to come, as long as it is between the second and fourth day of a new cycle. And the next time we go, it will be a FET session.

Just read up a bit on FET, apparently it is supposed to be less intense than the fresh cycle. But still need to follow up with medications or injections, in order to have good uterus lining. Though not sure will do it directly the next cycle or do it after that, but hopefully it will be successful.

FIV (3)

9-May, the day is here, for the retrieval, after all the injections and fasting needed. A bit scary though it should be a painless procedure, as anesthetic will be given. After a quick briefing and few minutes wait, the process begun. I can't believe that I am practically knock out after given anesthetic. The next moment I open my eyes, it has all done, and I have actually sleep through the last 2 hours plus.
After waking up, then is following up with the doctor. Unfortunately, we are told that we cannot proceed with the transfer, as the blood test result showed that it is not a suitable time yet. So, need to wait for the next cycle.

I guess, as the Chinese proverbs, man proposes but God disposes, God's plan will always supersede ours.

So, until the next visit, it will be just on medication, as there might be some discomfort after the retrieval process. And next visit will reveal more what are the next steps to be taken. We can only look forward to that.

FIV (2)

The journey continues ...

Came 5-May was the third visit, and this round, two injections to be done daily. But one injection is having mixing steps (3B+2G), while the other is pre-prepared. And the pre-prepared was actually the same kind of thicker syringe needle. Alright, it is only two days anyway. Just grit the teeth and get on with it.

7-May is the forth visit, though out of expectation, but I guess it might be for monitoring purposes. So this round just one more injection for tonight and also on the blood withdrawal for checking. Then tomorrow midnight to start fasting. Saturday is one of the big day.

As the day is drawing near, there are mixed emotions. Full of wonder, hope, question, unsure, and etc. But I guess, sometimes when we feel lost, we just need to take a step and let the step to lead us. Then maybe, after the leading, we will sort of be able to continue along the journey, to reach our destination. Better than not moving at all, hoping for miracle to happen to have us fall on our destination.

neo gwi yeob da @ 너 귀엽다 @ you are so cute

Found the song MV to be super cute.
Lyrics for "You Are So Cute" by Kenji Wu and Song Ji Hyo


너 귀엽다
You are so cute
遇见你的第一眼
Seeing you at first sight
너 귀엽다
You are so cute
第一句爱的箴言
First word of love perception


*
一开时我没发现
Did not notice at first
天使降临在身边
An angel befall next to me
第一句台词是哎哟我的天
First word is Oh my God

耳朵红到了脚尖
Ear redden till the tip
还要假装看不见
Still need to fake ignorance
应该没人听到我的呼吸声
Should be no one can hear my breathing sound

是谁的喘气声
Whose panting sound
喘的那么认真
Panting so seriously
隔壁那个男生
The guy beside me
难道他也和我有相同感觉
Does he also have the same feeling as I


**
너 귀엽다
You are so cute
遇见你的第一眼
Seeing you at first sight
너 귀엽다
You are so cute
第一句爱的箴言
First word of love perception
너 귀엽다
You are so cute
直到白发苍苍还是觉得
Until the hair is gray still feels that
너 귀엽다
You are so cute


Repeat set *
Repeat **


Repeat **

====================================================
Got those lyrics from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6y9WVE_StmE
But english translation by myself!  ;)

commitment

How do we commit ourselves to something?
Time, energy, resolution and determination.
Never give up until the hurdle is crossed.

Sometimes, we thought that we only need to think on what we want to do and start doing it. However, this kind of light thinking, may only give you the sparks to start but not for long. We all need to commit in doing something, then only there will be progression, then only will it bear the fruit.

Time and energy is a must, while resolution and determination cannot be left out in the process as well. How can things be done without effort being poured out. Nothing happens perfectly with a snap of fingers. We are all just mere human. So, take effort in doing things you want.

That's where everyone is different. The effort and commitment each holds.

Give is a thought. Nothing comes easy. If thing comes easily, it will hardly be appreciated. That's why life is tough. You can be tough, too!

FIV (1)

I have decided to keep track of my journey, regardless of the result.
The start and the journey is as important as the destination.
The start requires courage and decisiveness.
The journey requires will and endurance.
The destination requires faith.

But what prompts the start? It all started about 2 years ago, but the initial thought was not about having kids or not. Just the monthly torments that I have decided to try to stop it, by using the modern medical method. I have been using the traditional method, various ways. But maybe because of the non-committed attitude, there ain't much vast improvements.
And subsequently, it somehow linked back to having kids may solve the issue, so unknowingly, that is when the initial thoughts and hope begins.

As those months passed by, we decide to give a shot of trying the last resort. Why not? After all the feedback we have gotten, there should not be any problem, yet, we don't know what went wrong or missing. No harm trying other method instead of following the sequence, which also guarantees nothing.
So, when came 25-Apr, as the new cycle begins, we held on to our decision.

26-Apr was when things begin to start officially, which I almost wavered. But luckily, we stood to our decision. So, the first visit then was to get an injection daily until the next visit. Sounds easy, though there are few mixing steps (3B+1G), but not hard to remember, and it is just prickly pain, as the syringe needle is kind of thin and short. And luckily not much expected side effects.

29-Apr is second visit, where this round, there are three injections to be done daily, with only one injection need mixing (2B) while the other two are pre-prepared. And with one of the syringe needle is thicker and long. Well, just need to bear with it for six days. Not sure if it's my imagination, but I feel that body is reacting good to it.

Till the next visit...

Love

Ever wonder why most of the dramas or movies or songs are based on love?
Not all like those kind of drama, movie or songs.
Some may find it mushy because of those lovey-dovey scenes while some may find it boring or old-fashioned because of the predictable scenes or lyrics.
But surprisingly, most would actually loved in, unknowingly.

Love can actually be in many kind of forms, which sometimes, we ourselves are not able to distinguish it.
The thing that would touched our heart, make lasting memories, bring tears into our eyes, that's love.
The world can be a much better place to live in, if we all have a heart of love.
Of course, undeniable that there are other factors to consider of.
But with love, almost everything would be possible.

With love, there will be no pollution.
With love, there will be no racism.
With love, there will be no war.
With love, there will be hope.
With love, there will be strength.
With love, there will be tomorrow.

Love while you can.
Though not everyone can do it the easy way, some may need to take the harder way.
Love will not give up on you, just don't give it up first.

simple meaning

meaningful = to have meaning or purpose, the quality of having great value, significant
meaningless = having no meaning or direction or purpose, the quality of having no meaning, insignificant

simple = not complex or complicated, lacking intelligence or common sense
simply = nothing more, plainly, foolish, solely

endless story

Life is just like an endless story, forever being woven about, chapters after chapters. The end of a chapter simply marks the beginning of a new one.

Recently, I was kind of caught up with the idea of seeing life as a third party. Trying to understand humanity in another perspective. Maybe it was the consequences of too much readings on vampire stories. It is actually kind of interesting, the way that we live our lives, the way we see or judge our lives. Having to say that, it is also disheartening, if things goes awry, where the dark side looms over.

But what is clear is that, we as human, learn that things have its good and bad side. Though sometimes there are gray areas, but still try our best to live on the good side of it.
So, don't let your trying end in a chapter only, as there are more and more chapters will be unfold throughout your lifetime.

Taking first step

Saw a nice quote posted by a friend, that encourages one to be brave in taking the first step.

There are many first steps in our life that we will encounter. And as we grow older, you will notice that the less first step we are taking. You may say that it is because we grew wiser, we had the sufficient knowledge that we no longer need to take first step and instead just need to continue with our current steps. But this will indicate that we have stop learning and we just want to stay in our own comfort zone. This may be also because we know that taking the first step ain't easy and it needs ample of courage and determination.

Changes happen all the time and we need to always change and improvise ourselves. And in order to do that we need to continually taking first steps in our lives. Of course it ain't any easy task as we are always surrounded by other influences, which may encourage us or discourage us. So, it is up to us to gather our courage and determination to take on the steps we want.

All the way!

post

Suddenly had the urge to fumble through my posts, and found out that I have pretty much postings since I started in 2008.
I actually had to thank the person who prompt me to start blogging. Though I am not a hard core fan of blogging, neither am I a religious one, but I find that it is actually one of a stress reliever way for me.

And it makes me wonder, if one day, will I have the chance to compile my writing into a short book.
Just pondering on the idea.
Who knows?  ;)

So, right now, I'm going to continue to scan through those drafts that I've saved previously, whether to publish them, or just discard. Housekeeping should always be done, now and then.

A new beginning ?!

Is this consider a new beginning?
Or rather, one of the next steps that we will all going to go through.

Though the way everyone taking this step is different. Some have the easy way out, some stumble and fall along the way, some try very hard and manage to get through, while some may not get through it, whether they want it or not.
All will have different result, whether as per their expectation or not.

Today is my first step of going through it. Not first time trying to go through, though. But first time trying out this method. Works or not, I'm not sure. But I believe this is something not only related to own faith, but fate as well. Not only depends on God's will but your own will as well. And I believe law of attraction do works, now and then.

So till then, I will stick to our faith and hope for our fate, and may our will and effort pays.

Calm down

Don't know whether is it the weather or is it me. I'm almost cranking up and wanted to shut them up.

For goodness sake.

One is for not taking enough measurement, thinking that he/she is good enough to handle it. Fine, maybe I underestimate your capability. It's up to you. End of the day, you are the one who need to face it yourself.

Another for not thinking wise, saying inappropriate words. If it was from someone pretentious, I would know that it's a kind of sneering. But if it was to come out from someone don't mean any harm, I would say he/she really lack EQ, for someone of that position.

Gosh, how bad can this world be?

because of you

Because of you Because of you
The reason I live, because of you
I only loved you, I only love you and I will only love you
Because of you Now I can say I love you
The reason I love, because of you
Whether this is or isn’t love
You’re the one who made me change, because of you

Chorus part of Baek Ji Young's Because of You.
A nice lingering song from the drama which I have been following.

These few days or week have been quite different, not in the sense of what I am doing. I think I am pretty much doing quite same thing. It is just that the things happening around and the thoughts I am having lately.
There have been struggling thoughts on work stuff, on the resignation of current work, advice on changing current work style, suggestions to stay on, work to handover, opportunities of new work, and etc.
Also, there have been updates on family stuff, on new job, new member, holiday trips, celebrations, and etc.

There are so much in the head that I want to do, but seems to have limited time, interest or mood to complete them. But at least, there are more changes going on, instead of the monotonous routines to follow. Though, might need more time for the adjustment, but I think it is a better route. Life should be full of unexpected, anticipation and excitement, rather than living in the well planned and expected way, isn't it? I think I will be busy adjusting on it, and hope I can cope well at it.

Picture of you

There's a friend once asked that, why is there no photo of you in your apps. My answer is, "I'm still looking for myself. If I find one, I will upload it."

I'm not sure if this friend of mine understand what I'm trying to say. I was then still searching for my photo, which I'm not sure how long it has gone away, the one named self-confidence.

I think it went missing for quite some time, yet when it initially went lost, I was not aware of it. Until as time went by, then questions started to arise. Did it just go for a stroll, did it just go for a short getaway, will it find its own way back, will it come back soon, and so on and so forth.

I think sometimes I take it for granted as I thought it will just stay by my side all the time. But looks like I'm wrong about it. I did not fully understand about it. It also needs sufficient caring and nurturing in order for it to grow and stay. If lack of any, it will start to wander off, until you find ways to woo it back to your side again.

I guess, now I'm slowly working in wooing it back to my side again. Because, I have found the picture of me. Not sure how much it takes to keep it by my side, and till when. But I will give my best shot to let it know it's worthwhile being with me.

Have you found the picture of you?

We are one

Tick tock, tick tock, tick tock...
As times passes by, do you really know what is going on around you?

The world is so big out there, millions of people surviving each day creating their very own stories every second, hoping for their dreams to come true, interlinking with each other.
Though with the fact that we are all entangled with each other, we are actually having different interests, preferences and priorities, that make us live differently.

Some of us living within our own backyard, while some with bigger boundaries extending to a community, and some even all the way out to nation, countries or even universe.
Maybe because of the vast personalities that we have, and there are just simply just too much things going on at the same time, that sometimes we tend to live in our own way, not able to absorb everything that's going on (and never stopping).
We may now and then, try to search online on the sudden news we heard out of the blue, but most of us just simply do it in a "touch and go" manner. How many of us would actually try to analyse and understand in depth? Honestly, it might be quite impossible, as there would just be too much on the plate for us to digest all.
But to be able "touch and go" on most of the happening around is already quite a feat, as some would rather stay aloof.
Maybe, that's why there's a thing call discussion, small talks, chit chat. As one, how much things can we cover? But if there's more than one, surely, we are able cover more, to know more.

No matter how differently we lived, we are still under one roof (one world). So, sometimes, caring doesn't just stop at front door, but all the way to the other end of the world. Though we may be different, but we are one. We might not go through the same thing as you do, at the same time, but we will share the same joy and pain.
So, no one is alone in the world. There will always be someone out there, just reach out your hand, and you will find another hand reaching out for you, though sometimes it might take some time.

We are one.

Three's a crowd

If one is lonely, two is a company, then three is a crowd.

It was really an eventful talk with these three. Unexpected crowd and yet was kinda proud of myself. And unbelievable that there is a fourth intending to join and a fifth withholding.
Boy, what a party.

I always know that if you ask for something, chances of getting it is higher. But if you never ask, chances is you will never get it.
Though I know I'm one of those kind that do not ask, so it's kinda touched to receive all those attentions. Guess, all the effort poured out all these years are worthwhile.
And it sure gives me additional comfort and support knowing that I may still be able to survive out there in the wilderness, though the path might get tougher as time goes by.

Happy as I am, I still feel bad to decline those earnest offers. But I would even feel worse for myself, if I just simply accept because fear of offending.
Doubt I can find any master to teach me on how to handle this, so I just gotta rely on myself.
But first, I need to understand myself. To understand yourself, then only you are able to have people understanding you.

Proud of you.
Will always support you on whatever decision you will make.

be at peace with yourself

Why do things seems to be so wrong?

Why do things seems to be so complicated?

Why do things seems to be so dull?

Of all the whys, why do we not ask, why are we not at peace?

We are not living alone in this world.

We are living with others, either in a hustle and bustle city, or a quiet countryside, with every kind of activities happening around us.

But why do we still feel irritated now and then, unsatisfied with this and that, feeling unease and insecure, so down and forlorn?

We need to be at peace with our ownself, in order to live peacefully. This is something we are not able to get from others, nor what others can give to us. This is something that only we ourselves, can achieve it.

So, why not start today?

Come to peace with yourself, and you can see the brighter side of the day, the greener side of the pasture, the gold at the end of the rainbow.

When you feel the peace within yourself, 

no matter how noisy the world is, it would still seem calm to you,

no matter how big your problem is, it would still seem small to you, 

no matter how heartbroken you are, it would still go away soon.

Be at peace with yourself.

leap of faith

It is time ...

Had take a big leap of faith recently, when I tender my resignation without a new job waiting. A scene which happened about 3 to 4 years ago, is being replayed again. This round, unlike the first, does not have a really good solid, un-rejectable reason.
Not to say my reason is flimsy, but it is just that I really feel it is time to let go and move on, before I sink myself further, not able to get myself out.

What makes me so persistent on my decision, when there might be other solutions or work around. That is what my boss asked me. Honestly speaking, I am truly grateful on the opportunity to talk with my boss, though the talk came late, and maybe I missed out a few points I wanted to highlight, but I am glad that it happened. At least it shows that all the effort I have poured in all these years, have not gone unnoticed, and is appreciated. That I guess is the best gift I get.
And I truly hope the issues and suggestion highlighted, will be seriously taken into consideration and planning, for the future newbies. All the best to them.

We all make decision all the time, sometimes on small and insignificant decision, sometimes on big and life-changing decision.
Whatever decision it may be, sometimes, we simply have to take a leap of faith, when things do not have a definite end result.
Whatever it may be, I will stick to myself till the end. And hope for the best.