crippled

Who is the third person you would love and trust?

The first and second usually are our parents, while the third usually would be our spouse in life. This might be exclusive for those with siblings and close relatives. 

And what would it feel like to be crippled by the person you are supposed to be loved and trusted with?

Am I to say that I am lucky that I'm not physically crippled? But how does it feel instead to be emotionally and mentally crippled.

I've tried to be a bit more open up, at least within the family, so that I won't end up bottling everything inside me, and for those who knows me well, will know what my characteristics are. But now I can totally give up that idea, totally, and forever.

It's not the first time I tried, nor the second time. But as we know, once bitten, twice shy. I have enough, and enough is enough. I don't care now if you are totally unaware of my life outside home or inside my head, and not that you would care either. Then fine.

I'll just continue my life as it is, with a double persona. I'm used to it anyway, tried to change, but found no encouragement and received criticism, and find no reason to change now. 

bad parents

Are we the only bad parents around? Or is it that only our children are misbehave? Or is it really that all the other children are indeed angels? Else is it that the rest of the parents are actually angels in disguise?

I don't know what would our children be thinking of us as their parents when they grow up - verbal abusers? Physical abusers? Emotional monsters? Illogical monsters? Arghhh, it is really physically and mentally draining trying to cope with them.

I used to think my parents are monsters, too, typically my mom, guess because she's the household disciplinary teacher, no one is to go against her wishes, and no one is above her martial law. Her words are always the final one, irregardless of whether it is reasonable or not, not that she care though. 

Now, as a parent, I tried to be reasonable, giving all kind of explanations on why some things cannot be done, and why some things need to be done. But all fell into deaf ears. I felt as if all the efforts are going down into the drain, and it only works when the kiddos are being threaten.

Jeez, this ain't right, but what went wrong? I feel like burying myself in the pillow and scream my head off. What the hell is happening?

I can swear, all day long (and even night), you will only be hearing shouting, screaming, swearing and crying from my house, while the rest of the houses on the street are as quiet as an empty shell. Gosh, are my kids the only monsters on earth? Or, jeez, are we the only monsters on earth harming the innocent souls.

Parents' life with kids, is really ain't easy. 

who are you?

When we were younger, as a kid, we don't really define ourselves, as we are still struggling to catch up with the various hands-on day to day learning, trying to gain experience of growing up.

As we get older, as a parent, we don't have time to define ourselves, as we are struggling to juggle all the never ending responsibilities, trying to live through the day.

So, the best time of our lives to define ourselves, are actually during our prime years. 

And yet, those are the highlights of our life, as we are having the taste of freedom and ended up busy fascinating about this brand new world instead. 

Life is indeed short, and you will only say that after time passes you by. 

Define yourself, define your time, and you will find that time is actually waiting for you, waiting for the moment you realise who you really are.