7 days to new year

 So fast we are now getting near to end of 2021. Oh my, what have actually happened during the past 358 days? Hhm, seems like nothing interesting?

So what are you planning for the next 7 days for your year 2021 closure?

There are people busy with work, trying to get more earnings or revenue to be registered under this year. Some trying to do things that they didn't manage to do throughout the whole year due to Covid, for e.g. visiting friends and family, travelling, etc. There might be also a portion of people still in daze, forgetting that 2021 is ending soon, and living their life, day by day. Some struggling with unexpected event that disrupted their plan, for e.g.the horrid flood.

Me? What about me? Hm, I seem to be the one in category 1 and 3. I'm busy with work, I'm busy with entertaining kids, I'm busy trying to get escape into 'me time' and end up, feel like not achieving anything at all. Am I just having delusion that I'm busy, when the fact that I may not be so busy after all.

Alright, better be stacking up my pillows to see how my next 7 days will be spent. Who knows, maybe the next second I opened my eyes, and, ta-daa, I'm in 2022 already. Okie, this is called day-dreaming. Haha. 

act stupid

Sometimes really just wanna act stupid, but can't as everyone expect the better of you. Yet sometimes when want to act better, end up acting stupid instead. How irony. 

Mind is bursting on why not able to react better and faster, and at least in a more appropriate manner. And wonder what had everyone thought and might have criticised. But wtf, why mess up your own mind with what others might say or said. 

Really feel like a fool today. Will tomorrow be better? 

witch's diner

Finished watching another korean drama. Gosh, i wondered how long since I've last watched a full drama (but lucky that this drama is real short, just 8 epi instead the usual 20+). I can't even recall, bet it's real long ago.

This is another really interesting drama, and unexpectedly touching towards the end.

In the end, what I get away with it is - Life is a struggle.

And this is really true. And everyone's struggle is different, we just can't simply judge another, as we are not in their shoes. 

my queen

Just finished watching an interesting Chinese drama titled, My Queen. This drama is about the female lead looking for love which brought her into a virtual reality game named Destiny.

A phrase towards the ending caught my attention. We all have heard the infamous question that girl like to ask a boy, if both your mother and I fall into the water, who would you save first? The female lead cleverly answered that not because the male lead don't want to save both person, but he only had the option to save either one (which is the option between the female lead and the male lead's brother) . And that does not mean, he don't love the other person that he did not save, she further explained. A rather nice explanation, i think. 

This kinda made me think, if something is to happen within your family, who would you save first? Hmm, really something to ponder about. 

I'm wondering...

I'm wondering, or should I have been wondering all these while, what am I living for, when it seem that I've not done so. Since when have i stop wondering, i wondered. I remembered I used to wonder.

Things seem to have changed for these few years, and i have been living day by day instead. Maybe now slightly better, as seem to be living week by week. But that ain't the ultimate way of living, it will be too tired. When will it improve to month by month, then year by year? I wonder how long it might take. Maybe the next moment i opened my eyes? That sounds ridiculous though, but never doubt that anything could happen.

It's indeed a blessing to be living, when you know you are still alive despite living among things that you dislike. Though I can't say, would it be the same if you are not. And it's not just about counting your blessing, but to truly live as well, and not just let the day goes by. Day will always turn to night, as long as the sun continue to rotate. But what have you done for your day that makes it different for yourself? The difference is what making it worthwhile. 

a group of people

Have you ever wondered why human beings stay together? Hm, just like a flock of birds, a pack of wolves, a litter of puppies, a school of fish, etc. Of course, we do see there are some individuals who don't stay in a community, but we can say, it's really rare.

I think for us living together, it's because of the support system. Irregardless, whether because of financial needs, spiritual needs, emotional needs or etc. Living nowadays need money, unless one can self sustain in the wilderness or in the vast open ocean. Money need to be generated and replenished. Living means we will have families, friends, colleagues, superiors, subordinates, acquaintances, and etc. People have emotions and will be different when facing different things, unless we're trained to be an unemotional person. Well, I guess this kind of unemotional person may exists in the world, who knows, as this world is kinda big, too. Spiritually, is something cannot be forced, but coexist with us for a long long time.

Not sure if it's the way we were being brought up. While growing up, I'm sure we are not alone in the family, minimumly there would be a parent, even for those orphans, there would be a house of orphans growing up together. So, one cannot say he or she grew up alone. Therefore, we are used to having others around in our life, just whether we are open up with them, that's another story. But this means, similar to others, not everyone may be close to you, but there will be people that knows you exists. Why, because you were never alone from the start. 

Of course, one will always feel lonely, not because there are no people around you. It's because you, yourself, don't let people come in, into your life. Maybe, there are times indeed that you need to open up. We don't have a lot of 'seekers' in this world, that can go around to seek out every single loner in the world. But we sure do have quite a number of 'carers' in this world, who don't mind sharing their cares for those who need them. 

wrap up

I guess, I've and I'm wrapped up in my own small world. Have been started, and quite obvious, ever since having 2 lo, and especially noticeable since this covid thingy started to hit us real bad and made us stuck at home.

I think I'm still playing ignorant, even I've just realised that recently. Can you imagine the social distance that everyone keep harping on for this covid, and this social distancing not only distancing the physical but emotion as well. 

I can't say that I'm isolating myself, but just found myself being less empathy and less understanding. I've been reading stories on others during this covid period, but can't just find myself fit in sometimes. I applaud to those still able to connect and still able to seek out others during this bad time but I seem to make myself a stranger, and looking at everyone from an outside world, while I'm busy with my own stuff. On and off though, I seem to still mingle around, but it just feel real for that few moments. And then, puff, it's gone. 

Not sure if wfh is making us feel so busy at home or it's just simply us being at home make us feel there are endless things that we can do or should be doing. Time is just there and gone. Shouldn't wfh make our time more flexible and manageable? Or am I the only one that doesn't know how to manage? Seem to lose the balance and everything seem to be just jumbled up. 

Miraculously, I'm still sane at the moment. Just dont know how long the sanity will survive. Or, even if it survived, will it be the same, or stronger, or broken? When things get tough, the tough gets going. 

May God bless us all. 

we've been there...

We've been there before, and will be going through it again. Will second time be easier? Second time may only make one less frantic, due to prior experience, but doesn't mean it will be any easier. Each experience is unique, as do each individual, but it's true at least expectations won't seem to be so vague or scary as the first time.

Just that, hadn't expect same thing to happen again, and had even thought of how to handle things differently but now, seems like things are falling the same way.

Don't know whether to say the kids fate with nanny are short, or it's actually our fate with them are short. Both reasons are due to family issue that one can only accept it as family is always more important. 

But still, relationship is precious. Each and everyone we met are meant to left footprints in our life. We are blessed by both nannies, and so do the kids. Just that moving on, we need to continue the journey ourselves. It's tough, but the tough gets going. 

second half of 2021

Time flies? Or time simply creep away unknowingly? Or does it just simply disappear?

But ain't it weird, that at a particular moment, sometimes you will feel as if the time is standing still, as if something is halting it from moving.

Come to think of it, if time is wisely spent, you wouldn't have mind if time has stopped or time has gone. But if you are wasting your time, you might have felt pity and wondering why things are still not done, or how things could have been done.

Asked a child, if watching tv is a time well spent, you will get yes as an answer. Asked an adult the same question, you might get no as an answer. What makes the difference?

Asked a child, if sleeping is a waste of time, you will get yes as an answer. Asked an adult the same question, you might get the opposite. What makes the differences?

1 day = 24 hours

1 hour = 60 minutes

1 minute = 60 seconds

This equation never changed, since the day it was introduced. So, what has changed? You and me. 

ZLEE

Had a dream. 

And in this dream, a colleague came over and asked if we still remember the teacher who taught us in the first year on the T-Code of ZLEE. Hmm, colleagues vs teachers, it's a weird combination though.

This particular colleague had been sickly and had seek the advice of a senior board member about her illness. The advice she got in return was, leave the job and if possible get away from this area, away from pressure that cause her illness. She was asked if she had forgotten what she was taught, and was told not to forgo herself and let down her mother. 

So, she came over and checked with us if we still remember what was ZLEE. She mentioned the senior board member she met up was actually the teacher who taught us in the first year.

My initial reply was, no, as this T-Code sounded foreign. But still both of us and another colleague, still went on to dig out our old books and fervently checked about it. That teacher had us wrote down all the T-Code behind our exercise book, but we wrote along based on the teaching, so all were not in alphabetical order, and three of us have to scan through one by one.

Finally the colleague found it. Indeed, we all did scrambled down that code and the meaning beside it.

ZLEE - to know if you can handle the pressure around you, it's about you, you should not forget your mother's advice (something similar or so, as can't remember the exact wordings from the dream)

Ironically, I guess this dream was triggered by a message from my mum. She had been visiting an aunt who is in an early stage of dementia. And this kind of made her wondering, in our whole life, women have always worked hard for the family but have always forgotten about themselves. And when they got old, they are being forgotten as well.

Weird dream. But dreams are conjured up by what the minds thinks about, whether consciously or subconsciously.

So, beware of what you think 🤔 

act now

I've been thinking a lot recently. Oh, or was it all along? Thinking of how life had been and sometimes thinking how life should be. Haven't you been doing so, once a while, if not all the while.

Sometimes, we don't have the privilege to go around the world just to see how things could be done. But we could read about what things have happened. And with the technology now, there's no way we can't venture out in this virtual world, anywhere we want to be, to seek what we want to know. 

Life won't be holding back for us, nor is there any time machine that could bring us forward and back. Which is actually good, really. Why? So that we don't have time to keep on regretting the things that we've done. Humankind is greedy sometimes and tend to be unsatisfactory, no matter what life they are living in. So, having a one way ticket ensure that we just keep on moving forward, and not lingering about.

Whether life is good or not, people said it depends on how you lived it. Did you live your life, or let your life drift by? I come across some good quotes (actually search them on purpose) and hope they'll become some guidances. Good luck! 

Take the first step in faith. You don't have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step.  - Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

Do you want to know who you are? Don't ask. Act! Action will delineate and define you.  - Thomas Jefferson

The only impossible journey is the one you never begin.  - Tony Robbins

51th day of 2021

So fast that 50 days of year 2021 have gone, and now we are into the 51st day. One year only has 364 days, and almost 14% gone by.

If gauging by the percentage of days passed by, how is the progress of your resolution? Is it also progressing at the same rate?

Or it is still at ground zero? 

Today was shared a photo taken ten years ago, as this has been the routine that FB has been reminding us as well. I wondered the me of ten years ago, would have imagine what me of now will be doing. Sometimes it is nice to relinquish the memories, but how often now, do we dream of the future. Things we are doing now seems to tied us up with what is happening now, and made us forget what lies ahead are important too. 

What we sow is what we reap. But we tend to forget, to think ahead of what we want to reap, before we start sowing. That's why sometimes we can't handle the consequences that happened due to the action we did. 

So, think first. 

Happy birth-day

Dad, happy birthday. Seems like everyone of us still remember your birthday, even though you have left us. Guess it's because it's one of the dates that we have kept celebrating since we started to have memories.

Just that I wondered if everyone still feel hurtful, when recalling about you? This none of us had ever mentioned or asked about. Some of us may have taken it well. But I don't know, why tears will just whelm up and rolled down, when I thought of you.

Still I'm sure all of us are actually glad that you do not have to suffer in this pandemic, which had you been well, it would be lonely for you, or else, we would not have been able to even send you off, had you been chosen to depart then.

Don't know what's next after death, but may peace be with you, wherever you are.

jittery

Feeling jittery and scary at the same time. Now get to roughly know the feel of those who got +ve for covid swab test or suspected for covid due to close contact nature.

The feel of lack of control and worrisome and speculations, all are in.

From the time you know you need to do a swab test, until the test is done, and the result is out, you think you have escape the torture after knowing your result is negative. But the fact that there are people around you tested positive at the same time, makes you wonder again if your test result will change anytime. There have been cases of asymptomatic or pre-symptomatic people, who never develop symptoms or those who later found to be positive, or even those that became super spreader in their community later on.

So, all please don't lower down your guard. If you do, make sure you are confined in your own living area. You will never know when it will be your turn, which hopefully won't ever. The taste of regret will be bitter and unforgettable. 

sleepless

Seldom there could be any sleepless night for me, as time and energy weren't even enough to spare during the day time, much less to say for the night.

This makes me recall the day I had a meal which triggered my memories and also myself to note down on my moments and memories. 

It sort of remind me, that I wished to remind my friends and family, and even acquaintances, that I do remember the times we spent, and though we might be far away from each other, or might even lost contact, I hope all are still well and still remember the good times we had. 

Food makes me recall of meal sessions and specific food can actually link my memory back to specific group of friends. 

Activities also makes me recall of various stuff, regardless indoor, outdoor, local, overseas - which can link back things done at different stages of age.

If to list down every single one of it, doubt I can even finish it in a day or two. 

I just hope to convey to those friends of mine and my families, I do cherish our moments. And if there's one day, if I ever forget you or if I ever depart first, may our good memories still linger around to be relished. 

passed by unnoticed

So fast... It's already 4th day into the new year. What have I done for the passed three days? What have I accomplished? Have the days gone by unnoticed?

Weird to say that, I felt that I've done nothing, and I can only recalled unhappiness caused by the arguments. Though I know time had been spent with the kids, as they still need care and attention.

Will the rest of the 361 days just passed by the same way as well? I hope not. 

irresponsible

Talk about irresponsible.. What he said is not irresponsible? Simply said a statement to a kid, just to shoo them away, so that they won't bother his work.

Don't he know that what he said a child will remember forever. He also thought that a child forgets and forgotten, but sorry to say that it ain't the truth. Surprisingly, they remembered what hurt themthe most, even though they may not recall vividly. But their memories are there, and sometimes they might mix up old and new memories, but they never left. 

communism

Talk.. They say you should always talk out so that you know what is the problem and there would be no misunderstanding.

You know what I learnt, shut up. You should just shut up. To him, what you speak out is nonsense, no meaning underneath it. To him, he's always right. To him, you should never challenge back what he said, nothing at all.

So, why waste your breath at all. 

He said he'll listen if there's sense in what you say. But you know what? That will only happen, if the same word came out from a different mouth. Only then. Maybe there will be another scenario, after you're dead and he's reminiscing the memories, but still I doubt so. Since he never listen, he just hear.

People in our family don't live, they only have the option to obey (and he fully acknowledge on this). Talk about communism, ain't that sounds familiar. 

01.01.2021

Good morning, 2021.

Hmm, doesn't today seems just like any other day? It doesn't really feel anything special - but just the calendar being changed, and with the year being added on. 

Still with each passing day, it actually marks our passing moment. Hence, every second is different with every breath taken. 

Live in the moment...