Long weekend

It's long weekend break, a cause of celebration, yet it felt like no celebration need to be done.

I feel like telling the whole world, how I lost you. Yet, something withhold me, urging me to remain silent. Had I wanted sympathy? Had I wanted consolation? Had I just wanted to outburst my emotions? I've no idea at all.

Dad, it's been a month since you left us. Has it been long? I'm not sure. But do rest assured that we still do think of you, now and then. Hope that you are doing well at the other side. Hope there's no more pain and misery. We will take care of ourselves as usual. Don't worry for us. I'm sure you'll be thinking of the same, too, that we should know how to take care of ourselves by now, as we've all grown up.

Did I tell you that, that day out of the blue, I just feel so sad that the tears just rolled down unknowingly, because I recalled the day before you left us until your very last moment with us. The images are still so vivid and fresh in mind, and the words are so clear in the mind.

Did you know that we had visited the restaurant that you used to bring us go last time? I think it had been ages since we have last gone there. It was one of your favourite eating places as its business hours starts quite early. A good place to go for meal before the sun sets. Guess it'll be one of our eating places now, when we run out of ideas of where to eat.

It just feel better, to put thoughts in words.

It hasn't been long, has it?

How many days have passed?
To be honest, I'm not sure. I gotta open up the calendar and take a look.
24th day today..

How have we been doing?
Days still go by, tasks still need to be done.
Many mostly have kids, which will somehow take off our minds from sadness to madness..

But sure there will be times when we are alone, times when related news appears and trigger our memories.
Then, sadness is back visiting again.
Guess it's more apparent nowadays as coming weekend is our first ancestors worship day.
On and off there's short chat about the event for that day. Though it's just normal chat, but can feel the lingering sadness.

And think of it, there's actually not much things done since then. Everyone just resume back their original live schedule. Just that there's now an empty slot in everyone's list.

The faraway no longer has the luxury of someone waiting for arrival. The nearby no longer has the routine call to make. The others no longer has the excuse to drop by.
The habits that we were all so used to, has now broken.

Guess all the scheduled prayers are not a bad idea after all. Though it'll take up some time for preparation, but it just somehow transform the same slot, into something else, and not leaving it totally empty. Guess it's true that prayers are more of like meant for the living, to let us know how to carry on.

Looking forward for this weekend.
It hasn't been long, has it?

Gracias Padre

A week has passed by. And it actually seems so fast.
As the days were passing by, there are actually words that I wished to tell you but I simply can't say it out, words that I wished to pen down so that it etched in the memory but it actually took me so long to do it.

Thank you.
Thank you for letting us to celebrate your last Chinese New Year with you.
Thank you for holding on and waited for all of us to send you off.
Thank you for not suffering at your very last heartbeat.

Sorry.
Sorry for lying and raising my voice so that you'll have food to eat.
Sorry for leaving you so that you won't be alone unguarded.
Sorry for not visiting earlier so that you won't feel being abandon.

I'm thankful I made the right decision to come back, so that I'm there for you when you need me, all these years.
Thank you for letting me to hold your hands through all these.
Yet, I still wished I could do more, though I know I'm limited with my other responsibilities.

Don't worry that you'll be forgotten after the 100 days. Cause you'll be forever in our memory. We'll keep all the happy memories and will continue to recall them from time to time.
I'll definitely miss you but I'm glad that you do not need to suffer anymore, no more pain, no more fear.
And may God bring you to a much better place. And may you be in peace.

Life is a cycle which when begins, will definitely ends.