Day 11

I was really stressed out..
Mentally stressed out..
I felt that I was being pulled at three different directions, where all three playing mental strategy games, which I played poorly at.

Only Love...

2 am and the rain is falling
Here we are at the crossroads once again
You're telling me you're so confused
You can't make up your mind
Is this meant to be
You're asking me
But only love can say
Try again or walk away
But I believe for you and me
The sun will shine one day
So I just play my part
Pray you'll have a change of heart
But I can't make you see it through
That's something only love can do
In your arms as the dawn is breaking
Face to face and a thousand miles apart
I've tried my best to make you see
There's hope beyond the pain
If we give enough
If we learn to trust
But only love can say
Try again or walk away
But I believe for you and me
The sun will shine one day
So I just play my part
Pray you'll have a change of heart
But I can't make you see it through
That's something only love can do
I know if I could find the words
To touch you deep inside
You'll give my dreams just one more chance
To let this be our last goodbye
But only love can say
Try again or walk away
But I believe for you and me
The sun will shine one day
So I just play my part
Pray you'll have a change of heart
But I can't make you see it through
That's something only love can do
That's something only love can do

Day 10 (1)

I knew I should not wallop in self pity but I just could not help it.
Just let me be for few more hours, I really need to be pitied, just few more hours, just let me be.

Day 10

It was hurtful, the heart seemed to have something crushing on it and breathing was getting difficult.
There were times when fights were often and times when fights were lesser. But sad to know that, it seemed that fights were getting more frequent. Was it because the longer time went by, the easier fights might occurred?

It was hurtful enough to hear the lecture, which I admit was due to my insistence. But I got flared up because of the excuse you gave me was something I knew you would not keep, based on your character. That was still alright, as I knew after reflecting later on, I would know it would be my fault.
However, hurtful was hearing you said you would not care at all how I handled my problem as long as it  would not involved you.
Hurtful was hearing you said you would not care what my opinion would be if you think that my opinion was not something you can accept, which you even admitted that you rarely would.
Hurtful was hearing you said indirectly that I was good-for-nothing as I was not on par with your level of thinking at all, and which you were not expecting anyway.

If I was to solve my problems alone, then I would need no one in my life at all. If one was to share only good times together and shunned away during bad times, why would I need him or her? But I know you would have answered, that depends on the level of urgency and importance.
If my opinion needed to be at the level of so-called intellectual and logical, then I guessed it would take me a few more lifetimes to enhance on it. Wasn't everyone's opinion was worth listening to even if you were not to agree on it, or was I the only naive one? But I know you would have answered, that depends on the depth of opinion as we need to look at the big picture.
If I was really good-for-nothing, why don't you just leave me alone, instead of keep on harping on it? Was I really that hopeless that you can totally just ignored my self-esteem and thought that I should be happily listening and accepting what you were saying, even though they might be right? But I know you would have answered, that was to make you changed into better person, to make you think in-depth, as you cared.

It was tiring, it truly was, to keep oneself always on check, with you as the checker and I as the one being checked on. Sometimes I wondered if we were arch enemies in our previous lifes, or maybe either of us owed the other life debt, that in this lifetime, we got to pay them off. Karma.

Day 7

It was the first time we celebrated our black and white anniversary. It was the second year, yet I could not recalled if we ever celebrated the first year.
Maybe because it was just a day where both of us put on our signatures agreeing to hold on to each other for the rest of our lives, and nothing significant to have us to remember such a day.
But this year, finally we celebrated it, and although it was nothing fancy or elaborate, but the  important thing was that we were still together fulfilling the promise we sworn.

dead or alive...

Have you ever heard someone who told you personally that he or she is dead? And even told you in such a firmed tone that as though you are asking question with an obvious answer.
What would you be thinking?

To me, at that moment, I have doubt of whether he is in clear state of mind. As it is not the first time he mention weird statements, simply out of the blue. So I tried to ask further to look for more clues. But the firm answer, gives me no further clue as my question is left  unanswered and I am given no chance to probe further.
However, I guess that he might receive quite a huge blow when he gotten the bad news on his report. Something that just triggered his mind wrongly, and just strike him that he is dead. But things seem to be back to normal within few hours later, which is lucky, else it would be hard to control the situation.

So, given you to be in such situation, how would you react? How would you access the scenario and what would you do? What might be steps to take and what to avoid if things get ugly.
All these are very subjective, depending on the time things are happening, whom you are with and etc. We can only make judgment of what we think if the best at that time.

Day 3

Where is the focus point?

You said that my focus point was wrong. And tried to use numerous examples to let me see why was it wrong. I understand that you were right, and things need to be changed and put it right again. It's impossible to juggle between three sides and hope to find a balance.

Sometimes, I really wondered how should I be thinking. I know nothing is perfect in the world, and things need to give and take, and things need to have priorities and urgencies level. And I know I'm still not good enough in handling all these.

Family

What do you all think family is all about?
A place where you can seek warmth and love?
A place to lean on and where the people still believe in you when you are down and out?

If so, then being in a family, we need to keep a lookout for each other. But that doesn't mean to totally rely on your family which makes one to lose their own individuality. And being a family means you outcast no one at all, no matter how different they are from you. Being a family means everyone need to give and take, and together you make an effort to make things work out.

Any unhappiness or misunderstanding that happens in a family, don't just wipe out with time. It takes the family to work things out together.

Day 2 (2)

Have your anger subside?

I wonder if this round your anger would have ever subside.
You used to let me off easily previously with a few tongue lashing. But things gotten worse to cold shoulder of few days. Then became worst when you started stating those hurtful statements.

I know you were having hard time coping with my busy schedule.
So am I. At all times, I wished I had a shoulder to lean on when I am  exhausted and burnt out yet found none, but simply remarks that I am not able to prioritize. I wished I had encouragements keeping me going or leading me the right way, yet what I had gotten were simply discouragement and snide remarks.

Am I too ambitious? Am I too over confident that I can handle everything by myself and end up having everything turned chaos?
Am I just the one whom is just hanging on?

I, too, had anger and resentments. But you just have ways to make it go away.
But for you, I know once your alert button is on, everything that went nearby will just bounced back. No one and nothing can subside your anger unless you were the one who were willing to let it go.

Day 2 (1)

I have reached. Have a nice day..

These were the usual greetings we exchanged when we reached our office. As we travel apart, it was nice to know that each other had arrived safely at work, and you knew sometimes work is toiling up for me, you would gave me some encouragement.
I wondered if these exchanges of words were better than the days we used to be on the road together to work. Travelling apart had gave us more private times and those calls and messages seemed sweeter.

Your words of encouragement gave me strength to proceed further as my days are always over burdened.
Sometimes I wondered when will you need me instead. You never need my encouragement as you always seemed to be so sure of yourself. And don't know since when I've stopped wanted to give you encouragement and cheering, as it was always seems unneeded.

Day 2

Morning..

Oh boy, it is so hard getting up in the morning. The bed seems especially inviting in the morning, but still have to drag my feet out from the bed and get the day started.
You used to drag me out from the bed whenever I still laze on the bed. Well, of course, there were times when you were the one who laze on the bed. But thinking back, wondered was I the one who lazed more?

We both liked to wake up early in the morning before sun rise. The earlier we woke up, the more things get to be done. But things seems to have changed.
There were more things on our list now and sleeping time getting late making waking up in the morning seems to be a core.
Sleep seems to be more precious, time seems to be shorter.

Regret (2)...

Someone mentioned to me today that he had regret an action (or maybe two) that he had taken about roughly 2 years ago.
Action that lead to his unhappiness today. Of course along the way, there were bits and pieces that added on and caused the regretful decision.
Do you feel the same, too?
Having things that you regret so much in life?

To feel regretful, that must have made someone really hate being in the current situation.
Then why not snap out of it?
What are the causes and what are the possible solutions and which is the best of them all?

Life ain't perfect and ain't predictable. If we had known what may comes, then of course we will have no regrets. But life is to take on the unpredictability, so, come what may, face it, deal with it and get over it.

Day 1

How are you doing today?

I wonder how long since I last asked you this. And wonder since when I have gotten used to being updated every now and then on your own well being.
Maybe you have a more outgoing personality and just simply like to share out what you are thinking, those people that like to influence others.
And I have also gotten used to listening to your talking ever since the "bus-stop" days.
Do you still remember the nights we spend together chatting (or maybe more to listening to your stories and answering your questions) under the bus stop.
Maybe it's the "opposite attracts" mode that was what gotten us closer from then on?
But I wonder why of all, would you have chat with me, when there were so many other interesting ones around. Some even who are better talker than me, whom would have better interaction with you.

Rewrite memory...

If given you a chance to rewrite your memory. How would it be like?

Most people would have lament how bad their lives have been, how unfortunate, how uninteresting, how dissatisfied..
It could be quite hard to rewrite  the whole history of your lifetime, but given a chance to erase your memory and rewrite again, how would you write it? And would you really live the way you rewrite it?

Last meal...

We have heard of last supper, but last meal..

For instance farewell party of a friend moving away to a faraway place, or a colleague resigning, or a family member migrating, or etc.
Just literally, the last meal with that someone you know and from then on, you'll either gradually lost touch or no longer keep in touch.
Normally, for planned farewell meal, it will be done with nice treats as a celebration of another new beginning.
Plenty of time to plan out on what to eat, whom to invite, where to go, what to wear.
However, what if it is an unplanned one?

Life is always so unpredictable. Today we might laughing together or quarreling together but the next day or even the next minute, everything might be changed forever.
No indication, no preparation.
Next thing you know, you can only relish the last meal you had together, the last drink, the last chat.

Life is always so unpredictable.
So you have to cherish every meal you had together, as you will never know when will the last meal be.