Pastime

What is your pastime or hobby?

Don't you think you frequently heard this question when you are school goer?
What are the things that you are doing during your free time.
After you have started work, you will still have people asking you what you do during your free time.
But do you realise that the thing you do during your free time as a kid/schooler, is something that interests you, and can make you just do that particular thing while ignoring other stuffs.
While, as a working adult or parent, the thing you do during your free time is actually something that you do to make you relax or offload your daily stress.

Try to compare your pastime before and after you become a working adult/parent.
How many of the working adults/parents still persist having their own pastime?
It ain't easy to juggle with current schedules on hand, whats more of having a pastime. For some, they might just want extra sleeps, that's all.

If given a chance, what pastime would you want to continue to have?
A pastime that really interests you that it can brings you into another world of your own.

Relación: complicado

Relationship : Complicated

Where am I in the relationship?
I don't know. It's complicated.

Treading carefully, as we don't know how deep is the water, or if there's anything beneath it.

De nuevo

We're back to usual life again. But I'm having myself to be caution. And I have to remind myself again and again, to beware of the landmine. Else, I am the one that might end up being seriously injured.

I do know that marriage is not an easy thing. There have been lotsa examples around me. Yet, marriage is like life, which everyone is living uniquely. So, sometimes, it is just incomparable.
I do know there should be tolerance as well as giving in and forgiveness from time to time. Yet, how many times can we last and how strong can we be?

I can only say for now, that to take a step at a time. I can't foresee what future will be, but I do know that God will only give us test that makes us stronger, and not test that breaks us.

May God bless.

Prisión día dos

Commit suicide and killing others are prohibited by all types of religions.

Having fresh air out of the house is indeed good. There are other things that can occupied your mind, leading you away from depression, and somehow, more or less it can help to subside the anger and the helplessness.

But I just simply cannot understand why.
Why, why, why.
Why the sense of possession and the sense of control is so overwhelming? It's making me breathless.

Prisión día uno

Commit suicide and killing others are prohibited by all types of religions.

What's the use of living in safe environment, when you don't even feel safe in your own home.
What's having your own home, when it feels like prison.
What's the use of home cooked food, when you don't feel full after eating it.
What's the use of having a clean home, when you feel dirty inside it.

Wish you...

If we depart, wish you find another spouse who is an orphan, whom doesn't need to know how to work nor drive, so that she can be a 100% full housewife. Be she the one that does not have any opinions of herself that will neither defies you nor makes you angry. May you both have plenty of children that you wants, that will not act anything against your wishand follow your mood accordingly.

May God bless you.

And may God bless the day we depart from you.

Stay positive

Stay positive.. Stay positive..
Trying to pysco myself, for the sake of LO. Yet, I don't know how long I can last..

The cycle keeps repeating, I'm tired of it. When will it end? Do I have to be the one who end it? If yes, damn, I sure regret the decision I made 9 years ago.

God, whose test is this? I'm literally going nuts every time it happens. I'm not sure how long I can last. I'm breaking down soon. I almost broke down.

Stressed

Stressed.. I'm feeling stressed.. Really feeling very stress..

Others might have wondered, "Why are you so stressed out? You don't really do much."

"Work?"
"Man, you should have know just to do what's within your scope. Everyone's doing theirs only, too. "
"Too much work? Feedback to your boss. We just work within working hours. Learn to delegate."
"We are all just taking salary, if work can't be done, there's nothing can be done then. We're being paid for the working hours only. No reason why you should work after working hours."

"Housework?"
"Hey, get a maid, give time to yourself."
"No maid, but ain't your spouse doing all the rest of the housework? You only cares for the kids, you should have lots of free time. How envious, all you need to do is only to care for your kids."

"Too much things to do?"
"Give priority. Those unimportant person or things, just put them aside. Those are just people or stuff temporary crossing your path, not that you'll need them, anyway."
"Priorities are only your closed family, first kids then spouse. The rest are actually not so important. Just meet or do them when you are free. They are around all time round, no hurry."

These are not the way I do things. That's not me. I cannot, and I simply can't follow it. That's not me!!!
Why, do I have to limit myself to do what others expect of me? Why is there even an expectation of me, which isn't even me.
I hate living within everyone else's expectations. Why can't I just do what I like?
Why not, just because there's a spouse and kids that I can no longer be me? Aren't they supposed to be my supportive aide instead of my prison?