jittery

Feeling jittery and scary at the same time. Now get to roughly know the feel of those who got +ve for covid swab test or suspected for covid due to close contact nature.

The feel of lack of control and worrisome and speculations, all are in.

From the time you know you need to do a swab test, until the test is done, and the result is out, you think you have escape the torture after knowing your result is negative. But the fact that there are people around you tested positive at the same time, makes you wonder again if your test result will change anytime. There have been cases of asymptomatic or pre-symptomatic people, who never develop symptoms or those who later found to be positive, or even those that became super spreader in their community later on.

So, all please don't lower down your guard. If you do, make sure you are confined in your own living area. You will never know when it will be your turn, which hopefully won't ever. The taste of regret will be bitter and unforgettable. 

sleepless

Seldom there could be any sleepless night for me, as time and energy weren't even enough to spare during the day time, much less to say for the night.

This makes me recall the day I had a meal which triggered my memories and also myself to note down on my moments and memories. 

It sort of remind me, that I wished to remind my friends and family, and even acquaintances, that I do remember the times we spent, and though we might be far away from each other, or might even lost contact, I hope all are still well and still remember the good times we had. 

Food makes me recall of meal sessions and specific food can actually link my memory back to specific group of friends. 

Activities also makes me recall of various stuff, regardless indoor, outdoor, local, overseas - which can link back things done at different stages of age.

If to list down every single one of it, doubt I can even finish it in a day or two. 

I just hope to convey to those friends of mine and my families, I do cherish our moments. And if there's one day, if I ever forget you or if I ever depart first, may our good memories still linger around to be relished. 

passed by unnoticed

So fast... It's already 4th day into the new year. What have I done for the passed three days? What have I accomplished? Have the days gone by unnoticed?

Weird to say that, I felt that I've done nothing, and I can only recalled unhappiness caused by the arguments. Though I know time had been spent with the kids, as they still need care and attention.

Will the rest of the 361 days just passed by the same way as well? I hope not. 

irresponsible

Talk about irresponsible.. What he said is not irresponsible? Simply said a statement to a kid, just to shoo them away, so that they won't bother his work.

Don't he know that what he said a child will remember forever. He also thought that a child forgets and forgotten, but sorry to say that it ain't the truth. Surprisingly, they remembered what hurt themthe most, even though they may not recall vividly. But their memories are there, and sometimes they might mix up old and new memories, but they never left. 

communism

Talk.. They say you should always talk out so that you know what is the problem and there would be no misunderstanding.

You know what I learnt, shut up. You should just shut up. To him, what you speak out is nonsense, no meaning underneath it. To him, he's always right. To him, you should never challenge back what he said, nothing at all.

So, why waste your breath at all. 

He said he'll listen if there's sense in what you say. But you know what? That will only happen, if the same word came out from a different mouth. Only then. Maybe there will be another scenario, after you're dead and he's reminiscing the memories, but still I doubt so. Since he never listen, he just hear.

People in our family don't live, they only have the option to obey (and he fully acknowledge on this). Talk about communism, ain't that sounds familiar. 

01.01.2021

Good morning, 2021.

Hmm, doesn't today seems just like any other day? It doesn't really feel anything special - but just the calendar being changed, and with the year being added on. 

Still with each passing day, it actually marks our passing moment. Hence, every second is different with every breath taken. 

Live in the moment...