Hospital

It's airy here.. Sun shining through the windows. Pink reddish curtains tied neatly at the windows. Pastel orange curtains hang between the beds moving as the wind blows. The soft sound of chit chatting at the background. Then the sound of prayers.

He's currently sleeping. Tired? Maybe. Sedated? Maybe.
He's really looking way much better than last week. Shaved head and moustache. Clean nails, hands and feet. He must have not known he's actually so clean, compared to the previous him. Uncombed and messy hair, haggard and dirty look. God knows how long he hasn't bath at that time. Maybe he'll actually be surprised if there's a photo comparing the two looks.

Looking around, I wonder what's the story of the people around here. Waiting to recover? Waiting to have operation or therapy? Or waiting to die?

He seems to be here waiting to die. Doctor said there are nothing much they can do. And it's actually too late to take any preventive steps. What should he do? What else can we do for him? Hope that he's not in pain, not suffering. Hope all the close ones can reach in time to see him.
But he looks alright to me. Just only that he's sleeping all the time. Tossing his head left and right, as if trying to get a nice sleeping position on the pillow. Or is he dreaming?

Ambulance siren can be heard now and then.
Ahh, finally some footsteps sounds. Kids running by. More audible chit chatting sounds.
Visiting hours.

What's next? I don't know, maybe I just don't want to know. I feared what's to happen - be it good one or bad one.
May God point us to the right direction, and continue to give us strength to carry on.

God bless.

Tired

Wonder what's been going on, that makes you feel tired on everything you do or even think.
Is this consider stress also?

The tiredness that's been lingering around, makes you feel don't even want to bother with anything, not to say to celebrate an event.

You just wish to be in a deep slumber...

Mentally exhausted

I'd never imagine myself being able to make such a drastic move in such a short time.
Who would have thought so?

Growing up in eastern countries, we were taught from young to be filial to parents. We were exposed to living with elderly parents and grandparents, respect them, listen to them obediently without questioning them. Whatever opposed to that means you are an ungrateful child.

As time goes by, media also trying to get the same idea knock into youngsters heads, as more and more news of neglected elderly are found and abusing of fragile old folks appearing. Old folks home starting sprouting out like mushrooms, while on the other hand, news of pitiful elderly cast aside in old folks home also increase.
Advertisement, drama shows, news, variety shows, all trying to slot in positive vibes of being with your elderly parents.

But, is this really the whole picture?

After weeks of indecisive, today I've send my parent to nursing home. Maybe to some, nursing home is the same as old folks home, but it's not. Nursing home is place you put your elderly hoping that they are nurse back to health before you pick them back again.
To some I may seem cruel, even I myself felt so, when I left my parent there. But that place is my only hope left - that my parent will soon regain his able mind and body, and find purpose in life again.
It's painful to see him wasting his life away at home alone, not knowing who to turn to, with passing people giving him false idea and hope.

It was already devastating to learn that the parent whom I thought can face the world alone fearlessly, now turn into someone that only hides in his room, cast the outside world aside, keep thinking he's sick and wanted medical attention.
How can someone so proud of himself, defeated cancer once, now succumbed into someone so fragile.

And it's so easy for others to think why we are so heartless to put him into nursing home. But do we really had other better choices, before things get worse? If I am one with no other responsibilities, I may have chosen the path to take care of him, but I might have also used the wrong way.
After visiting the nursing home, I realised that sometimes, elderly may not be right. Giving in to them, may not be the right thing to do as well. And it actually does no good for both sides, as both will end up getting tired, hurt and frustrated by end of the day.

Decision made and action taken. Only God knows if it's the best way out.
May God bless.